Emotional Weekend

Izaih looks like he's in pain, but he's really just making wrestler noises

Izaih and Aunt Nancy playing checkers

Izaih adores Grandma and Grandpa

Hannah and David - he's already 6'3!!!

David looks like the little boy I remember...awww:)

Our weekend was great, with the highlight being a surprise trip from my parents and brothers. It was the first time in a while that all four of my sibs have been all together (to-ged-er, as Izaih so sweetly says it:) ). Good times. I have the best siblings in the world. Gosh, I could gush about them all day!! Izaih adores each of them and has become very attached. I could be wrong here, but I'm pretty sure the feelings are mutual, huh Mama G? ;D We had my grandma's side family reunion on Saturday. One of my cousins looks a lot like Izaih's biological mother, and when we left, he sheepishly walked up to her, gave her a hug, and told her he loved her. I think he may have thought Beth was his mother. My heart breaks.

I am very close with my family. My husband, parents, siblings, and grandparents are my absolute best friends on this earth, and I cherish them sooo much. Besides my dad, I am probably the most like my Grandpa, and he and I have always had this close bond. I have always been "his girl", even though we argue a lot and are both pretty stubborn and ornery (hate to admit it). I rely on him for everything, especially a good laugh. He is one of the funniest men you could ever meet! So it came as quite the surprise when I found out that the main reason my parents came up was because Grandpa wanted everyone here together one more time because he thinks he's about to die. Apparently he has been feeling really badly for the past few weeks, and thinks his time is about up. He even had a meeting with my dad and aunts to let them ask him anything they might need/want to know, and to go over the will and trust he has set up. Dad thinks Grandpa might be being a bit hasty in burying himself before he's even dead, but I'm not convinced. He seems very serious.

As a child, you know that your grandparents (if you're blessed enough to have them) are going to be gone one day, and I have always been really aware of that. It's never really bothered me much, and in the past five years or so I have become much more aware of that, and therefore cherish every moment I spend with them. But now that the time is here - really here - I realize that I am just not ready. I want to be, because where he's going is far better than here...but I'm just not. Grandpa and I had our alone time, and he told me the things he wants me to know and plans and dreams he has for me...words I will cherish forever. I just bawled like a baby. While soo unbeLIEVably meaningful, the moment was very, very painful. I know it scares and bothers him so much to leave us. I want to tell him that it's okay. Not to worry because we will be fine, and we are so happy for where he's going and the memories and legacies, treasures really, he's left in us. That things will not fall apart without him here. But I'm still in too selfish a place to do that. Grief is a funny, complicated thing. I am grateful for the study I did in grad school on the grieving process, and in strange way, I am glad that it has never been foreign in my life. With each tear comes new meaning, new awareness, and new strength to let him go where he was created to be in the first place.