Ode to the Perfect Daddy

During naptime (Izaih's) I started watching Dan in Real Life with Mark. Haven't finished it, but Steve Carrell's character reminded me sooo much of my dad in the beginning. My dad has been my saving grace in life and has been one of the biggest blessings bestowed on me (I could say that about most of my family but I'm making this about Dad right now:) ). I can't imagine a daughter being more proud of her daddy. I adored him since day one. Everything he did, I did, including eating my peas and M&M's the EXACT same way he did (removing the shell first, duh), drinking Diet Coke because he did, etc. I watched his EVERY move and wanted to be just like him. When I was little I would fearlessly threaten "mean people" that "my dad with big muscles will beat you up if you don't stop!!". I thought I was untouchable because of the way he kept me safe and feeling secure. Lots of my little friends had crushes on him, and though this might have weirded out other young girls, I beamed with pride.

As I got older, everything he said made an imprint on me. I took on all his opinions and beliefs. I watched how gentle and loving he was with my mom. I took notice of all the countless ways he showed his love to me and my siblings. I watched the way he loved each person he met and lived to serve. He forgave anyone who did us wrong, and calmed me when I just wanted to seek revenge. He taught us every day about God's love, and while he never made it a secret how important God was in his life, he actually showed it more by his actions than his words. He taught us integrity and humility, love and service. I could go on and on for DAYS about what all my dad has taught me. . .

A lot of fathers look great like that on the outside, but are very different behind closed doors. A lot of people I know who were also PK's (preacher's kids) have very different stories about their fathers. Very very few of them can say that their fathers were truly as good as they acted in public. I can say the opposite. My dad was BETTER than what he showed others. He had the utmost humility and did most of his "good deeds" unnoticed. Unfortunately, it is often in a minister's job description to proclaim your good works in order to be seen as holy and righteous. My dad never conformed to that.

I remember my dad making me peanut butter and syrup sandwiches when Mom was gone. He always took me to Quik Trip to get a drink anytime we went anywhere. He took me out for breakfast before school so we could have time together. He stayed home with me and got me McDonald's on sick days. He would listen to me for countless hours as I cried and ached over each boy who broke my heart and each girl who betrayed me. He filled up the gas tank for me before I went anywhere. He was strong enough and feared enough to fight any battle I needed fought, yet he loved and believed in me enough to teach me to fight them myself. I could often find him up at 6 a.m., doing our laundry and helping us get ready for school. Every morning he prayed with us before we left for school, and when we got older and left at different times, he would give us a hug and kiss before letting us know he would be praying for us. Every single day.

I can't even think about my dad without getting tears in my eyes. He never wavered in his integrity, despite all the attacks on him and our family. He endured so much, and not once did he ever fail in his commitment to us or our mom. He was the utmost faithful man I have ever known, and he set the bar high for my sister and I when it came to finding a husband of our own. Of course he was not perfect, and that's exactly what made him such the perfect father. He always apologized and responded with humility when he made a mistake. Countless times I listened to him quietly praying over me at my bedside, begging God to keep me safe and for me to search for God's heart, when he thought I was asleep.

I have an amazing life partner because of him, I truly do believe. I never would have been able to sustain such a good, healthy relationship had it not been for the example he and my mom set in theirs. My dad showed me that I was beautiful and worthy of being treated with utmost respect, and I believed him. I could go on and on and on and on and on....I love my daddy!

T-shirts never lie

Don't let the grin fool you...t-shirts never lie. The blinds in his bedroom, his bedroom wall, his bedroom door, Ms. Emma's favorite bracelet, countless toys...I could keep going, but I think you get the picture. The best part is, we don't even care! As cheesy as it sounds, he could tear apart the whole apartment and it wouldn't scare us away. As you have probably read in Emma's previous posts, his behaviors are continuing to get more aggressive and more frequent. His caseworker mentioned possibly sending him back to residential. Over my dead body. If there is anything that his behaviors are telling me, it's that he needs more attention, more affection, more love; which he is not going to get if he goes back to residential. We are in this for the long haul, no matter what. And besides, how could anyone ever give up on a face like that!!

Time for school!

His new pal, Lenny

I'm gonna be honest here...I freaked out while I was taking the picture bc I thought he had just put up his middle finger :)

People constantly tell them they think Izaih looks just like Mark. Huh? I don't see it.

Izaih and I spent yesterday morning visting his new school. I was sooo nervous that he wouldn't do well. As soon as his teacher walked towards us, Izaih went straight up and gave him (HIM!!!) a huge hug - very good start! It helped IMMENSELY that the teacher is a black male. Izaih fell in love with Mr. BJ from the start, and then had an amazing morning with his new friends in his class. Everything is just so structured and top-of-the-line at this school. I still can't believe we were able to get him in!! Now just 2 more weeks of chaos with his current school, and we will be on to better things...hopefully!!

Oh, and cute story. Mark was really upset the other night about something, and Izaih sat there and held his hand and rubbed his arm. He kept saying, "Who make you cry, Mr. Mark? I'm gonna find them and beat them up!! They don't make my Mr. Mark cry!!" Then he just loved on him until he was convinced Mark was okay :) One of the greatest lessons my parents ever taught me was on forgiveness and loving people no matter what they've done or how they've chosen to live. We are trying to teach that to Izaih, and trying to teach him by example. There's such a shortage of love in this world, and we want him to have as much of it as we can possibly squeeze into him!! I love him so much it hurts my heart. Is that when you know you're a mother?

Crap!!!

Pictures are coming soon once Mark uploads them. He's the techie in this family.

Long, long weekend, and it's not over! Yesterday my sister babysat Izaih so Mark and I could go out. She is seriously a Godsend!! She is like the dog whisperer, only with children. Izaih adores his Aunt Hannah!! And of course he never acts out with her, so I'm sure she thinks we're big fat liars when we try to tell her what to prepare for with him :) Mark took me to Bartolino's and then to see Mama Mia at the Chase. Verdict's still out on if I liked it or not. Thoughts? (I will say that I am now completely infatuated with Amanda Seyfried!! I've loved her since Big Love. Is she not the most gorgeous person alive or what?!!!) Then we took a moonlit stroll in the CWE, snuck into this awesome place (wouldn't you like to know where:P ), hit up Coffee Cartel, ran into friends, and made it home around 1 am. This is a big deal because that has not happened in a looooong time. It used to be that midnight is around the time our weekend nights got started. Now we are lucky to see 11:00!

This morning I dropped the boys off for Izaih's swim class and headed off to try to get some shopping done. We have not been able to grocery shop for weeks - haven't had time. I get into Target and down the first isle when Mark called to say Izaih never made it to swim class. Apparently the cussing/screaming/biting/hitting began right before the instructors got into the water. Awesome. So I made a beeline to pick them up and we went home. I later went out to lunch with a friend, only to be interrupted mid-gushfest that Izaih had pooped on the carpet and then smeared it into the furniture and onto all the walls. Again, had to rush home. AGHHH!!!!

Mark went to work, so that left me here with Little Man all by myself. While I was tempted to spike his milk with some Robutussin PM, I opted for a fun day for just the two of us. We went to Tower Grove Park to play in the fountain, then the playground. Ran a few errands, got dinner, came home to watch Cars. He behaved like a champ, but you better believe I made him clean up his own poop when we came home!!! I told my dad today that this is the punishment I get for all the years of hell I put my parents through!! He agreed:)

Crazy times!!!

How can you ever be mad at this sweet face?:)

We have had some interesting days lately. For one, Izaih has added to his long list of colorful and eyebrow-raising phrases. Each day there seems to be a new one. It gets harder and harder not to laugh at this child, who looks like a two year old, screaming profanities better than some of my former clients, but with this oh-so-cute little baby lisp. He decided to put on some profane shows in the children's waiting area of two different agencies, Qdoba, and while walking down the street today. Mark was walking him down the street because Izaih would not stay in his carseat, and kept trying to open doors and punch Mark while he was driving. As a result, Mark abandoned the car and just carried him home instead. We think we may have learned how to do a hold on him. All the ones that we've tried, he can wriggle out of. This kid is such a little Houdini (sp?)!! Mark and I both have bruises, scratches, and bite marks all over our face and arms. We think something's going on at school....luckily he starts at a new one in two weeks. It's one of the best in St. Louis so we are very excited.

At the end of the day, he is the sweetest child who just wants to be a normal kid and not act the way he does. He has seen and been through more than most of us combined. We tell him every time he flips out that we love him and are not leaving, we're going to keep him safe, we're not going to let him be hurt by anyone, and that we will not give up on him no matter how mean he is to us or how mad he gets. He is a whole different child than when he first came into our home 7 months ago, but it's going to take unbelievable efforts to try to reverse what he learned and saw the first 2 1/2 years of his life. While it's aggravating and unacceptable that many parents give up on their kids and don't keep them safe, I am thankful for them (in a way) because it makes me angry; therefore more aware and more adamant of how NOT to be.

Please pray for us. While we are not giving up on Izaih and we are loving him through this, each day is a battle of it's own. Literally. Pray for strength and patience for us, above all else. We are soooooo thankful for and blessed with supportive and amazing friends and family who carry the burden with us. We couldn't do it without you!!!

Kangaroos at Neotez???

I was at Neotez for several days last week for North City week. It never gets old, never gets boring. I am always amazed at the way being at Neotez changes so many lives and revives tired ones! Most of my most cherished memories involve being at Neotez, or are stemmed from something that happened there. My girls this week were AWESOME!!!! Nevermind that they fought every waking moment with each other :) They just needed to be equipped with some coping and anger management skills. Lucky for them they had me:) Lol...this is funny because I need to practice what I preach sometimes!! I love those girls soooo badly!

Anyways, so for those of you not from here, Neotez is this little camp in the middle of nowhere, outside of a little Missouri country town. Yet we were supposed to be very careful and watchful all week because there was a kangaroo on the loose. Yes folks, a kangaroo. Actually a walaroo, but I don't know the difference. Someone in this little country town had a kangaroo...and it escaped. Life just doesn't get more random than that! :)

Izaih has had 2 great days of school in a row!:) Sooo excited about that, as well as crossing my fingers for another good 3 this week. We have started wrapping a present (little things or toys he already has that he doesn't play with) and putting it in eyesight so that if he goes a whole day with no cuss words, hitting, biting, kicking, breaking things, etc. etc. then he gets the present. His new cute little flip-flops are just waiting to be opened!

Mark brought him home a dog yesterday. Not a real one, but it sure is huge! Izaih named him Ezra. He says the name soooooo sweetly:) I am so in love with that child!

On a sad note, I only have 2 weeks left with the family I nanny for. They have been unbelievably amazing to me in soo many ways, and I adore little Gabe and Lucy. I wish I could stay with them, but I know I need to be a real grown-up and put that $35,000 master's degree to good use. HA! I don't feel like I even work for the Scholle-Baum's because I have such a great time with the twins. I have been on vacation for 2 weeks so I am ready to see them tomorrow! I'm sure they have learned so many cute little phrases since I've been gone. I love this age!!

Introducing Izaih!

Here is Izaih for those of you who have not seen him yet. We are in love with him and loving every moment. He is sooo full of life and is very active. There is never a dull day in our household! Izaih has taught us many colorful words and expressions, as well as taught us how to get out of holds, the art of the "WOWZA" punch, and has given us a good excuse to update our home (since he has broken much of it). He is going to be a man of passion and achievement in his life, I can tell already! The child has more talent than most of my family combined! Mark thinks Izaih and I are just alike. Not sure if that's a good or bad thing! :) We have forgotten what life was like before he came. I thank God for him constantly, and ache each moment that he is away from me. We had very different plans for our life together, but God has shown time and time again that our plans are not necessarily His. I think He likes to put me in my place like that:) God has blessed me with more than I have ever deserved. How great is His faithfulness!!!

To Be Or Not To Be

I guess this is my first post on Blogger. I'm thinking about making the transition from myspace to here. I think it's what the grown-ups are using these days. :)