I have been really bad about posting pictures. I promise I will very soon!
Izaih and I are having a blast every day. He cuddles with me and says things like, "Thank you for keeping me safe, Mommy", and "Let's cuddle all day," and then I know that we made the right decision. He's a totally different kid. I can sleep at night now.
Right now we have a lot of hard things going on with Mark's family. It's nothing new, really. We are just emotionally exhausted anyways, so it's been a lot harder to deal with lately. A while back we outed the family secret in an attempt to keep a child safe. People get really nasty when their dirty secrets are exposed. Please pray for that situation. It's bad enough that only God can mend it at this point. I really don't want to sound dramatic, but we have been under a lot of attack. We've lost a lot of friends, support, and even our church over it, so we're pretty devastated. Some of Mark's family members have even been trying to convice Mark to leave me. I would love to say that we are not affected by it, but it is really hard to keep a marriage strong when you're constantly under all kinds of attack by people Satan is using to try to destroy you. That's just the honest truth here. We're learning the hard way that doing the right thing is hard and oftentimes reaps a lot of consequences. Luckily, we have Jesus who knows all about that, so in the really tough moments that is a comfort.
I keep hearing people say that your 20's are for being angry, and your 30's are for coming to peace and acceptance with your world's reality. Or something like that. I think I came out angry. Since I was a tiny little girl I remember always wanting to combat any injustices I saw. I always was a loudmouth, and I root for the underdog with a feirceness. It's made me a lot of enemies, and it makes people really hate me and turn against me when I call them out. Pride is a funny thing. I try to keep mine in check. I hope I do a good job at that. I guess I wouldn't know. That's what I mean about pride being a funny thing.
I am feeling a lot angrier than I ever really have, now that I'm in my 20's. I keep saying that I wish I didn't have the awareness and the insight that I do, because then I would be a WHOLE lot happier and less angry. My mom calls "bull" on me when I say that:) I feel like I'm always standing alone on injustices, and not even standing significantly. . .does that make any sense? I love my passion, but I really would trade it all in for being completely stupid and blind to anything negative or corrupt going on. One day my blog posts will be positive!
30, come quickly!
3 comments:
Wow! I have never heard that 20's and 30's thing, but I sure hope it's true. I am tired of being angry at this World, but for some reason.. I think as long as satan is at work here.. I will always be angry.
Praying for you guys. Love you so much! Doing the right thing may not have the best consequences down here, but it sure does effect our eternity!
Hey you, wish I knew what to say to help your struggles and frustrations, but offering my own ideas may just be empty words. Just take my compliment anyway...I can see how frustrating it would be for you to love so much and yet feel so blocked by it. Keep loving though! Keep loving Mark, and Izaih, and everyone around you and pray that while it may not be enough for everybody in the world, it will definately be enough for some of them!
Just think though- if you were oblivious- you might not have been as able to help that child OR Izaih. I don't know you personally but from reading your blog, I get the impression you are a great person! Marriage is hard enough without adding all that extra stuff-I will keep you in my prayers.
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