Emotional Weekend

Izaih looks like he's in pain, but he's really just making wrestler noises

Izaih and Aunt Nancy playing checkers

Izaih adores Grandma and Grandpa

Hannah and David - he's already 6'3!!!

David looks like the little boy I remember...awww:)

Our weekend was great, with the highlight being a surprise trip from my parents and brothers. It was the first time in a while that all four of my sibs have been all together (to-ged-er, as Izaih so sweetly says it:) ). Good times. I have the best siblings in the world. Gosh, I could gush about them all day!! Izaih adores each of them and has become very attached. I could be wrong here, but I'm pretty sure the feelings are mutual, huh Mama G? ;D We had my grandma's side family reunion on Saturday. One of my cousins looks a lot like Izaih's biological mother, and when we left, he sheepishly walked up to her, gave her a hug, and told her he loved her. I think he may have thought Beth was his mother. My heart breaks.

I am very close with my family. My husband, parents, siblings, and grandparents are my absolute best friends on this earth, and I cherish them sooo much. Besides my dad, I am probably the most like my Grandpa, and he and I have always had this close bond. I have always been "his girl", even though we argue a lot and are both pretty stubborn and ornery (hate to admit it). I rely on him for everything, especially a good laugh. He is one of the funniest men you could ever meet! So it came as quite the surprise when I found out that the main reason my parents came up was because Grandpa wanted everyone here together one more time because he thinks he's about to die. Apparently he has been feeling really badly for the past few weeks, and thinks his time is about up. He even had a meeting with my dad and aunts to let them ask him anything they might need/want to know, and to go over the will and trust he has set up. Dad thinks Grandpa might be being a bit hasty in burying himself before he's even dead, but I'm not convinced. He seems very serious.

As a child, you know that your grandparents (if you're blessed enough to have them) are going to be gone one day, and I have always been really aware of that. It's never really bothered me much, and in the past five years or so I have become much more aware of that, and therefore cherish every moment I spend with them. But now that the time is here - really here - I realize that I am just not ready. I want to be, because where he's going is far better than here...but I'm just not. Grandpa and I had our alone time, and he told me the things he wants me to know and plans and dreams he has for me...words I will cherish forever. I just bawled like a baby. While soo unbeLIEVably meaningful, the moment was very, very painful. I know it scares and bothers him so much to leave us. I want to tell him that it's okay. Not to worry because we will be fine, and we are so happy for where he's going and the memories and legacies, treasures really, he's left in us. That things will not fall apart without him here. But I'm still in too selfish a place to do that. Grief is a funny, complicated thing. I am grateful for the study I did in grad school on the grieving process, and in strange way, I am glad that it has never been foreign in my life. With each tear comes new meaning, new awareness, and new strength to let him go where he was created to be in the first place.

FREE Movie Monday with Redbox

It's Free Movie Monday for Redbox! If you have a Redbox near you, you can rent as many movies as you have credit cards for free! You just have to return them by 9 pm tomorrow. The code is LA45WZ.

Help Others with Expired Coupons

I just came across a bit of info on what to do with your expired coupons. If you're like me, you have a lot. Military families can use them at their commissaries for up to six months after they expire. I'm sure they would appreciate the opportunity to save a few bucks like the rest of us frugal hackers:) You can go here to find out where to send them. You can even "adopt" a particular base and have them sent straight there!

My Computer Has a Grudge

What a week! Izaih has started calling me "Mom" and "Mommy" on occasion. It's like he's trying it out to see if it fits. He's doing the same with Mark (but he calls him Daddy) :) I try to act normal when he says it, like it doesn't catch me off guard at all. Yesterday he cried his little eyes out when I dropped him off at school. I'm not sure who cried more, him or I!! I got in trouble with his teacher because I went back in the classroom to get him because I just couldn't take it!! He's been crying a lot more lately. Not his typical whiny, fake cry, but real tears. It's like music to my ears, because he didn't cry until he'd been with us for several weeks. His only emotion was anger before he came to us. Even up until now, him crying has been a pretty rare occurrence. Dr. Barry the thaumaturge gave us a reason for Izaih's behaviors that is pretty darn hilarious; I wish I could tell you!! In case you've never heard of the thaumaturge, he's a nutritionist/faith healer. He has the gifts of discernment and healing. He's amazing and usually dead on. He's done sooo much for my mom and other members of my fam. He's told me stuff about myself that he couldn't possibly know. He produces his own line of all-natural herbal remedies. Check him out here.

Mark and I have really been struggling with the whole adoption situation with Izaih. Lately, every time I think about it I get all weepy. I was explaining things with a friend at church this week and couldn't even stay for worship because all of a sudden all these emotions just - BAM! - hit me. I can't imagine our lives without our little man. Please pray for us. On a happy note, Izaih can now spell R-I-B and R-A-T....such a smart, adorable child!!

The computer has died on us twice this week, so it's been in the shop. It's a frustrating time for that to happen since I'm in the midst of a job hunt. In the meantime, things are going amazing at my other job. I love having options! I love having passion! Maybe I won't get a full-time job. Maybe I will just keep doing contract work and do ten different jobs! I love so many things, so it would be hard to do just one. However, I need health insurance. Boo. Another reason why we should have universal healthcare (Plug: Go rent "Sicko"!) I have been blessed with the most wonderful, supportive husband a girl could ask for. He has been amazing, and unbelievably supportive throughout everything, i.e. school, move, jobs, etc. He is so perfect:) *Swoon* :) I've gotten to spend a lot of time catching up with friends lately, after having neglected them due to my hectic busy-ness. I have been blessed with such an amazing, supportive, diverse group of friends. I couldn't do it without them. I love you friends!!!!!!!!!!

Soapbox alert. I just want to put this out there. Divorce is a tricky, complicated thing. The only people who truly know what goes on in a marriage are the two people IN it. Both people hurt. No one "wins". Family butting in and spreading hatred definitely does not help the situation, but only spreads rumors, cements animosity, and prevents the couple from working things out. Please make this a happier place and don't do that:) Love, love love love love love love love love.........:D

My Top Ten List

Top 10 things that I, Mark, have learned from Izaih:

10. dont let the smile fool you
9. lyrics to popular rap songs on the radio that I cant even understand
8. that there is a playground on just about every corner (he makes sure he points them out
everytime we drive by them)
7. never underestimate the strength of a 4-year-old boy
6. make sure that there are alarms are every door to the house
5. if he says that he is going to throw a battery at your face, dont call his bluff
4. that I can get just about anything I want if I have Izaih with me (even a 2007 red Mustang...)
3. Saturdays are not for sleeping in, they are for watching cartoons
2. no matter where I hide candy, it is never safe
1. Never leave him in his room alone if he hasnt used the bathroom in the past 5 minutes

The best part is, I cant wait to see what I learn tomorrow...

Uncle Jon & Rosa-Mae Come to Visit!!

The weekend was WONDERFUL. Jon and Rosa-Mae were here and Izaih was in heaven. They got him a big wheel motorcycle and he was SOO excited. He loves helping Mark fix things around the house because he has his own little set of tools. So he "helped" Jonathan put the bike together and was so proud of himself:) We went to Skyzone, which is such an awesome place! We're definitely going back! Plus connections, baby, connections:) And can I just say...I love Rosa-Mae sooo much!! Izaih adores her and his Uncle Jon. When they left on Sunday, Izaih clung to Jon and was so sad to see them go. Today he informed me (during one of his meltdowns), "I don't love you! I love Uncle Jon!!!!" I said, "Well I love you. You can love more than one person at a time...."

"Well, then I love Rosa-Mae, too!!!!" he shouted.

It's so funny. He's been copying everything Mark says lately, and with the most serious demeanor. First he started calling me Jess. Then he started saying, "I'm sorry, babe!" to us. Too cute. Tonight, he copied Mark's prayer almost verbatum. Izaih always says his "God is good, God is great" prayer and then we say one. Tonight Izaih went second, and Mark and I were dying trying not to laugh! It made me think of all my routine prayers I learned as a child. There was the "sick, sad, and the poor", and "friends, family, and loved ones" that I prayed for every night. I finally learned what "guideguardanddirectus" meant around age 12!

Uncle Jon and Rosa-Mae - PLEASE COME BACK!!!! We miss you already!!!!!!!!

Sweet bonding time

This pic is fuzzy, but I love his reaction to seeing his new bike!

SUCH a cute couple! I love her!!!

FREE Stuff

I love freebies. Here are my fav ones of the week (and frankly, the only ones worth your time of filling out the questionnaire).

Click here for a FREE KPAK Rescue Your Hair Kit.

Click here to receive a free Redken comb.

Click here to receive a free Betty Crocker Warm Delights Mini sample.

Click here for a free pen from Mivodesign.

Click here to get lots of free samples from Wal-Mart.
*CLARIFICATION: I do not shop at Wal-Mart (they're unethical in about a zillion ways), but I certainly do not mind accepting free samples from them at their expense, lol)

I AM DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On the metro

Izaih and Uncle Jon

Rosa Mae let him go on that bungy thing at Union Station

I am officially done with my research!!! I was so happy I almost cried (mostly out of sheer exhaustion). I have been working on it for months, and it has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. FYI - I hate research. Love reading it, but hate conducting it. At this point I could care less whether it gets published or not. I am sooo tired. I decided long ago that I would NEVER go for my doctorate degree for one reason - the dissertation. Funny.

My reward for getting it done was a day of careless shopping. You know me, a great day of shopping is saving tons of money, so Mark doesn't have to worry :) I made out with some awesome Seven jeans, couple shirts, Vera Wang dress, Havianna flip-flops (for next summer), lots of beauty stuff...and a job. Haha! I stinkin love my life!!! It's just p/t, but I love it love it love it!!!!!!! (Thanks Jenn!!:)) Oh, and this week I got about $45 of free loot from Walgreens and actually made about $15. I love Walgreens.

My brother and his girlfriend, Rosa Mae, are coming this weekend. I'm sooo excited!! Not as excited as Izaih, though:) He loves Rosa Mae. Who wouldn't? She's amazing. My siblings and I are super close, and I haven't seen Jonathan in about 3 months so it's about time!!

Izaih and Jackson at Bounce U

Izaih was eating banana peppers and then touched his eyes...this was his reaction! Sooo funny!! I grabbed the camera QUICK

Had a great weekend. A friend and I took the boys to Bounce U, which gave us time to chat. I love Kym. I had an interesting night out with a friend. Won't give details, but will say my life should be a tabloid so at least I could make some money off the craziness!! :)

Lots of stories and thoughts coming soon. I'm feeling in a humbled and grateful place these days. I would love to share my heart at the risk of vulnerability, but often worry about offending others and causing drama. I'm working on tearing down my walls, though, and daring to speak out even when it's not socially or "religiously" acceptable. Not that this is new for me:) Maybe I should say I'm working on not caring when others misconstrue and/or attack my openness and/or my thoughts. I'm a sensitive gal, even though I often come across as hard. I have to pretend I'm hard in order to protect myself from how sensitive I am. There's some vulnerability for ya! :) I often beg people to let others bear their burdens with them. However, I am more guilty of that than anyone. I keep them to myself - giving in to fears and experiences from the past of being neglected and shamed. I want to allow others the chance to bear my burdens with me, as I am so grateful when others trust enough to give me that chance. I hope that this can be both a safe place and springboard to give me the confidence to do that. I am so weary of carrying them alone.

Just wanna be like my Jesus. (Listen to the song --->) He is changing me every day.

Wishing you all rich and meaningful experiences and lots of love this week!

This sums up my thoughts on Palin

This was just too good not to post!

Sorry if you're Republican.)




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