So many emotions tie me up in knots when I see this picture; joyful for all the great, hilarious and meaningful times that we have spent with this little bundle of character; sadness for all the pain and suffering that such a beautiful little boy has had to endure in his first few years of life; more joy for being able to see how much he has grown just in the past year; anger that anyone could ever treat someone so small the way that he has been treated; and most of all more joy for all of the things that he has taught me about myself, about life, and about relationships. We were blessed with so many "things" at Christmas that we are all so thankful for, but nothing compares to this little guy and the gift that he has been to us.

Gosh, being a dad has turned me into to such a sap...I'm sorry...I'm done.

Now this is hilarious. Hannah got Jeff a flask for his monavie that says pimp on it. Judging from his face though, I think there might be something else in the flask...? We had Emma's family over to our place for Christmas so that Izaih could experience his first Christmas with us at his own house. It was a little tight, but we managed and had a great time. We all were blessed with so much. Gloria and Grandma made their gifts this year, and they totally rocked. Emma and I got body pillows and she made Hannah these purses that looked like she bought them at Urban Outfitters or something.

The funniest part of the whole day was when Izaih opened one of his presents from Mama G and Papa. A little background though first...we went to Searcy for Thanksgiving and we forgot one of Izaih's fleece sweatshirts. So when Jeff was packing up presents, he found the fleece and asked who it was for, thinking it was a present, and Gloria said that it was Izaih's. So Jeff wrapped it and gave it to Izaih on Christmas. Would you believe that it was Izaih's favorite present?! He begged me to help him put it on and strutted around the room like he was the coolest thing to walk the Earth. And he liked it because his Uncle Jon was wearing one just like it. That kid cracks me up.

I know I've said it already but we were so blessed this Christmas. I hope everyone kept in mind, and keeps in mind, all those out there who dont have any "things" to celebrate with on Christmas. And all of those families who just wanted their home to be heated on Christmas. Merry Chirstmas (a little late) and Happy New Year (a little early)!!

Random Act of Kindness

Retail during the holiday season can be both fun and stressful. Today started out as a very frustrating day at work, and I was not in a good mood. Two men asked for some help finding something, and they were just soooo nice, as opposed to some of the customers we get in the store. I put something on hold for them, no big deal. When they came back to pick up their items, they brought me a Starbucks giftcard! Thank you, Nick and Ray, for making my day and for restoring my belief in mankind!!!

I LOVE kind people!!!

We Can't WAIT for Christmas!!!!

Our tree looks bad in this picture:( Izaih "helped" wrap all the presents!

Ezra is bigger than him!!!

It was bring-your-biggest-toy day for show and share at school yesterday. Izaih took Ezra. He won:)

The Parable of the Fig Tree

This is the only face he would make for the picture...whatev

I love my job. I get to meet the most random people. Today this guy came in and was like, a walking Bible!! He was telling me all these beliefs he has about the end of times and about what God has really called us to. All I could do was stand there and gawk at him. He was so incredible; I loved the way his mind worked. It's so rare to find someone who believes as radically as I feel I do sometimes. He kept telling me not to believe him, but to read it for myself and to seek and pray for Truth. He was telling me about his past with the church, and how the people and "doctrine" in it proved over and over to be so STUPID (not his words, but I won't mince them) the more he has studied his Bible and sought out Yahweh.

I get so lonely and really long for a church family. It's really sad for me. We have had the hardest time finding a church. We have friends we "commune" with, and although I don't wish to partake in organized religion, it's hard to not have it. People are always asking me, "You've been to just about every church in STL...tell me the good ones I could go to...", and I'm like, IF I KNEW THEN WE WOULD BE THERE. I'm such a post-modern thinker, though...I've been called a revolutionist. Most churches would not accept ME. HA! I could start an entirely separate blog about all my "adventures" with the church. Most of you wouldn't believe me if I told you. It's unfathomable, except to those who've lived it.

We finally got to a point where we started to regain faith in people, in followers of Christ, in churches, and then were agonizingly reminded just how horrible and hypocritical "Christians" really can be. I would love to not be bitter. I inherently have always wanted to believe that if you love Christ and proclaim to follow Him, then you must be a truly good person. I don't expect anyone to be perfect - EVER. But if you're gonna' call yourself a Christian, could you maybe act the part?

I've been toying around with the idea for years about writing a book. I hate writing. Except when I can just free associate, like here. But I do have one heck of a crazy life story to tell, and I think it's a really valuable one that people need to hear. I hesitate in saying that because I don't want to sound like I have a big ego. Absolutely the opposite. I am so broken in so many ways by so many things. Only a God that created me could understand the depths of my heart and know how to put it back together. I've been through it all (almost) and God has assured me that my purpose is to be a voice, not only to bring awareness, but to provoke action and change.

Lately I've been getting those, "You should really write a book about your life," comments (I think because I'm shedding the "good submissive Christian girl" silence and speaking up about what's really gone on), and I've been talking to God about it. I'm feeling sort of a nudging, and I am eager to determine whether it's God's nudging or my own selfish intentions. My family has been really supportive of the idea, although I think they're a little scared of what I'll say ;P OHHH, I would love to just sing like a canary!!!!!!!!!!!!! In due time, you guys, in due time.

Anyways, I always start off posts to say one thing, and then I blabber....I told y'all I'm getting better at being open and honest, right? Thanks, Doug, for challenging my thoughts today. By the way, he really wanted me to read the parable about the fig tree. Anyone have some insights into that one?

Walgreens Freebies 12/10 - 12/13

Here's the scoop on Walgreens this week. LOTS Of freebies if you have collected your coupons!

Bayer Breeze2 or Contoure Blood Glucose Meter -$14.99
-Use $30 coupon - will take off $14.99
-Rebate form inside box -$14.99
= FREE + $14.99 PROFIT


Sure Deoderant -$2.50
-$1.50 off EasySaver coupon
-Go here for $1 off coupon
= FREE


Maybelline Lip Product B1G1 Free (Buy 2)
-$4 off coupon (Use 2)
= FREE + PROFIT if you purchase ones less than $8


Scotch Tape 3 pack -2 for $2
-$1 off manu. coupon
-EasySaver Rebate #35 -$2
= FREE +$1 PROFIT


Robitussin -$3.99 (Buy 3)
-Go here for $3 off coupons
-Recieve a $5 Register Reward when you buy 3
= FREE +$2.03 PROFIT


Reynold's Wrap Aluminum Foil - $1.69
-Use in-ad coupon, making it $.99
-$1 off manu. coupon
= FREE


Arm & Hammer Liquid Detergent - $6.99 (I think)
-Use in-ad coupon making it $1.99
-Go here for $1 off coupon
=$.99 (A STEAL!!!)


Hershey's Holiday Candy - 2/$1 (Buy 2)
-Use $1 off 2 EasySaver coupon (pg. 5)
= FREE


Dove Beauty Bar
-Use in-ad coupon, making it $.99 each
-Use $1 off manu. coupon
= FREE


Bald Gyz Head Wipes - $4.99
-EasySaver Rebate #1 - $4.99
= FREE

And if these deals aren't good enough, starting tomorrow and going until Saturday, if you spend $25, you automatically receive ANOTHER $5 Register Reward! Supposedly, that's $25 BEFORE coupons, so you could make several different transactions and get several $5 RR's!!!

*And remember, whatever you wouldn't use but can get for free, PLEASE donate to a charity or good cause!!!!!!!!!! :)

Wearing Aunt Hannah's scarf

We looked at some houses on Saturday and found one we really like. It has 4 bedrooms and 3 1/2 bathrooms. Big, classy, unique, and really quite breathtaking. It's a townhome and we have the option of buying the whole building. Still haven't decided... We did make a new friend with the squirrel that was waiting to greet us in one of the 3rd floor bedrooms. He merrily followed us all around the house!

Hannah came over to put up the Christmas tree with us yesterday and it did not go so well. We are so excited for Izaih's first Christmas with us and were really eager for him to get to put up the tree with us. However, he has reverted back to some extreme behaviors lately. Mark and I are so exhausted. We may have to quit stalling and go the meds route. Don't want to, am very against that, but we may not have a choice. My cousin put her son on meds for almost identical behaviors to Izaih and he is doing great and his behaviors have greatly diminished. It's comforting to hear stories like that, but still makes me feel like a bad mom.

This is what I'd want to say to you if I had the chance to speak to your heart...You Are Loved

Izaih's mother signed over her rights last week, so although not "official" things will be soon. One of the caseworkers told us about her being in jail last week (on THANKSgiving, nonetheless) for domestic assault on Izaih's father. However, she was badly beaten up as well. I'm not sure why HE wasn't in prison, but personally, I'm glad she got some good hits in!

Anyways, the caseworker found her trying to walk home from jail because she doesn't have a car, money, or good enough friends or family to come pick her up. She signed over her rights in a dirty McDonald's booth. She knew she couldn't get Izaih back. I can't imagine what that must be like for her, knowing that she will not see her son again. My heart absolutely BREAKS. Out of respect for Izaih and respect for his mother, I will not divulge the details of what went on while he was in her custody, nor the struggles she is facing and life experiences that precipitated all this. I hurt so badly for her, and wish so badly that I had the power to take away her pain. It's like receiving an organ from someone who had to die to give it to you. I feel so unbelievably thankful, yet so unworthy and guilty at the same time. I feel such a deep respect and appreciation for her. She has given us the greatest gift, and while she was definitely not perfect (neither are any of us), she gave our sweet baby life. I feel no anger towards her whatsoever; only compassion and love. Deep, deep love. Izaih will not be raised hearing about how she screwed up or about all the things she did wrong. She did the best she could with what she knew and had, and she will always be loved in this home.

I beg for prayers for her right now. My heart is so heavy for her. I know one day we will face these issues head on with Izaih, but for right now, my concern goes solely to her. I have to protect Izaih, but I wish so badly that we could reach out to her and just love her up. Maybe if she had had a chance in life from the beginning. Maybe if she'd had parents who did right by her...maybe if she'd only had the compassion and love of people around her who actually gave a damn instead of sitting around on their high horses and judging her like she was trash....

While you're at it, please pray for all the mothers who have given up their parental rights or had their rights terminated. There are so many out there, and it is such a vicious cycle that many refuse to understand or have compassion for.

Thanksgiving

No, we didn't eat it. It's their PET duck.

Hopefully things with Izaih will be finalized tomorrow. Cross some fingers, say some prayers.

We headed south to Arkansas for Thanksgiving to be with my family. It honestly wasn't that bad being back in Searcy. Of course we didn't step foot on Harding campus, nor did we run into too many people from there, so maybe that had something to do with it??? We had so much fun with my family. It was so great to be there with them this year. We did lots of shopping, bonfires in the backyard, hookah smoking, Taboo with the fart-machine "buzzer", and laughing laughing laughing! We saw my mom's side of the family on Saturday, and it was so awesome to see all my aunts, uncles, and cousins who I haven't seen since we left Harding. All my little cousins have gotten so big, I could hardly believe it!!! Gosh, I am blessed with such amazing family!!!!!

Rosa-Mae enlisted for the Air Force, and we are soooo proud of her!! The average score for the entrance exam (or whatever it's called) is a 30, and Rosa-Mae scored in the 90's! She is so amazing. We all adore her, especially Izaih. Speaking of Izaih, he was a royal TERROR most of the time we were there!!! That's what happens when he has tons of people around him spoiling the heck out of him for days at a time:) My dad is a children't therapist, and I think he thought he was getting a vacation for a few days. NOPE! Izaih was like an extended-weekend-long behavior modification session, haha!!! Izaih was in heaven with a backyard to play in, a dog, a duck, and two uncles to roughhouse with the whole stay. It's really fun to watch Mark with my family, too. He is never as happy as when we're with them. It's so funny to watch him and my dad together. They are such goofballs! It makes me so happy and content with where we're at in life. I was sipping coffee after my mom's fanTAStic Thanksgiving lunch, just kind of letting my mind wander. I was remembering Thanksgivings past and what they've been like, and all of a sudden it was just the BEST coffee and the BEST day. Ever have that experience?

God has brought us so far and given us vastly more than we could ever deserve. While we grieve so many losses and afflictions this year, we also can't help but be reminded of how much he loves us - truly just LOVES us. It's so evident in everything around us. My "illness" and how He continues to work in that is proof enough. Some days we are not okay, but my friend reminded me of a song that sums it up well:

It takes some silence to make sound
It takes a loss before you found it
And it takes a road to go nowhere
It takes a toll to make you care
It takes a hole to make a mountain

Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ha la la la la la life is wonderful
Ha la la la la la life is meaningful
Ha la la la la la life is wonderful
Ha la la la la la life it is...so... wonderful
It is so meaningful
It is so wonderful
It is meaningful
It is wonderful
It is meaningful
It goes full circle
Wonderful
Meaningful
Full circle

Wonderful

It's all God.

Don't Go to Kmart on the Rock Rd.

First, they were out of everything I had good coupons for. There were like, NO employees working that I could ask for help. Then the cashier didn't ring up all my coupons. I kept pointing that out to her, but she kept insisting that she did. Once out of the store and in my car, I looked over the receipt and went back in. I stood in line at the customer service counter for more than half an hour. Then the manager wouldn't cooperate and kept making things up, and even kept walking away to go do other things. WHAT?! Finally, he gave me $5 back, even though he was supposed to give me $20. I was too tired to keep arguing. I was there for almost 4 hours. Absolutely not worth it. Sorry if you went and had the same experience. Next time I'm going to a different one. Pshhh.

Walgreens Freebies

Okay friends, I've got the skinny on Walgreens this week. If you haven't hoarded your coupons, that's okay for this week.

(3) Robitussin - $3.99
-Buy 3 and get $5 Register Reward (like a Walgreens giftcard)
-Go here to print out 3 $3 coupons
= FREE + $2.03 PROFIT


(2) Colgate Total Advanced Toothpaste - $2.99
-$3 off of 2 coupon found in EasySaver book (booklet found by weekly ad)
-Go here to print 2 $1.50 off coupons (on pg. 4)
= FREE


Sure Deoderant - $1.99
-$1.50 EasySaver coupon
-$1 coupon from newspaper insert
= FREE + .51 PROFIT


(2) Werther's Originals (the 5.2 oz bag) - $2.29
-B1G1 Free sale
-$1 off 2 EasySaver coupon
-Go here to print 2 $1 off coupons
= FREE + .71 PROFIT

There are some extra doorbuster deals on Fri.-Sun. to check out:

Schick Quattro Midnight -$3.99
-$3 off EasySaver coupon
-$2 off coupon (from newspaper insert)
= FREE + $1.01 PROFIT


Colgate Total Advanced Whitening Toothpaste - $3.99
-Get $3.99 in Register Rewards when you buy one
-Go here to print $1.50 off coupons (on pg. 4)
= FREE + $1.50 PROFIT

*A little tip: You can do the Register Reward deals over and over, but you cannot use a RR to buy the same thing. Example: I could not use the $3.99 RR from the toothpaste to buy more of the same (well I guess I could but it wouldn't print me out another RR)

Go here if you want to check out all the Black Friday deals at Walgreens