The Parable of the Fig Tree

This is the only face he would make for the picture...whatev

I love my job. I get to meet the most random people. Today this guy came in and was like, a walking Bible!! He was telling me all these beliefs he has about the end of times and about what God has really called us to. All I could do was stand there and gawk at him. He was so incredible; I loved the way his mind worked. It's so rare to find someone who believes as radically as I feel I do sometimes. He kept telling me not to believe him, but to read it for myself and to seek and pray for Truth. He was telling me about his past with the church, and how the people and "doctrine" in it proved over and over to be so STUPID (not his words, but I won't mince them) the more he has studied his Bible and sought out Yahweh.

I get so lonely and really long for a church family. It's really sad for me. We have had the hardest time finding a church. We have friends we "commune" with, and although I don't wish to partake in organized religion, it's hard to not have it. People are always asking me, "You've been to just about every church in STL...tell me the good ones I could go to...", and I'm like, IF I KNEW THEN WE WOULD BE THERE. I'm such a post-modern thinker, though...I've been called a revolutionist. Most churches would not accept ME. HA! I could start an entirely separate blog about all my "adventures" with the church. Most of you wouldn't believe me if I told you. It's unfathomable, except to those who've lived it.

We finally got to a point where we started to regain faith in people, in followers of Christ, in churches, and then were agonizingly reminded just how horrible and hypocritical "Christians" really can be. I would love to not be bitter. I inherently have always wanted to believe that if you love Christ and proclaim to follow Him, then you must be a truly good person. I don't expect anyone to be perfect - EVER. But if you're gonna' call yourself a Christian, could you maybe act the part?

I've been toying around with the idea for years about writing a book. I hate writing. Except when I can just free associate, like here. But I do have one heck of a crazy life story to tell, and I think it's a really valuable one that people need to hear. I hesitate in saying that because I don't want to sound like I have a big ego. Absolutely the opposite. I am so broken in so many ways by so many things. Only a God that created me could understand the depths of my heart and know how to put it back together. I've been through it all (almost) and God has assured me that my purpose is to be a voice, not only to bring awareness, but to provoke action and change.

Lately I've been getting those, "You should really write a book about your life," comments (I think because I'm shedding the "good submissive Christian girl" silence and speaking up about what's really gone on), and I've been talking to God about it. I'm feeling sort of a nudging, and I am eager to determine whether it's God's nudging or my own selfish intentions. My family has been really supportive of the idea, although I think they're a little scared of what I'll say ;P OHHH, I would love to just sing like a canary!!!!!!!!!!!!! In due time, you guys, in due time.

Anyways, I always start off posts to say one thing, and then I blabber....I told y'all I'm getting better at being open and honest, right? Thanks, Doug, for challenging my thoughts today. By the way, he really wanted me to read the parable about the fig tree. Anyone have some insights into that one?