This is what I'd want to say to you if I had the chance to speak to your heart...You Are Loved

Izaih's mother signed over her rights last week, so although not "official" things will be soon. One of the caseworkers told us about her being in jail last week (on THANKSgiving, nonetheless) for domestic assault on Izaih's father. However, she was badly beaten up as well. I'm not sure why HE wasn't in prison, but personally, I'm glad she got some good hits in!

Anyways, the caseworker found her trying to walk home from jail because she doesn't have a car, money, or good enough friends or family to come pick her up. She signed over her rights in a dirty McDonald's booth. She knew she couldn't get Izaih back. I can't imagine what that must be like for her, knowing that she will not see her son again. My heart absolutely BREAKS. Out of respect for Izaih and respect for his mother, I will not divulge the details of what went on while he was in her custody, nor the struggles she is facing and life experiences that precipitated all this. I hurt so badly for her, and wish so badly that I had the power to take away her pain. It's like receiving an organ from someone who had to die to give it to you. I feel so unbelievably thankful, yet so unworthy and guilty at the same time. I feel such a deep respect and appreciation for her. She has given us the greatest gift, and while she was definitely not perfect (neither are any of us), she gave our sweet baby life. I feel no anger towards her whatsoever; only compassion and love. Deep, deep love. Izaih will not be raised hearing about how she screwed up or about all the things she did wrong. She did the best she could with what she knew and had, and she will always be loved in this home.

I beg for prayers for her right now. My heart is so heavy for her. I know one day we will face these issues head on with Izaih, but for right now, my concern goes solely to her. I have to protect Izaih, but I wish so badly that we could reach out to her and just love her up. Maybe if she had had a chance in life from the beginning. Maybe if she'd had parents who did right by her...maybe if she'd only had the compassion and love of people around her who actually gave a damn instead of sitting around on their high horses and judging her like she was trash....

While you're at it, please pray for all the mothers who have given up their parental rights or had their rights terminated. There are so many out there, and it is such a vicious cycle that many refuse to understand or have compassion for.