Whew, it's been a very long couple of weeks. Izaih was triggered by some memories of past abuse from a worker at the residential facility he used to live at. His little language has been exploding, and he was finally able to tell me what happened; it was pretty clear that he wasn't making it up. It actually confirmed some major suspicions we have had all along, which is the primary reason we brought Izaih into our home in the first place. Needless to say, there is now an ongoing investigation, and due to probably a mixture of his stirred-up memories and all the interviews, his behavior began to get worse.
Not long after, some strange things began happening with a teacher at his school. Izaih started reporting some disturbing things about this teacher, including some alleged abuse. At the same time, someone in our lives came forward to inform us of once seeing one of Izaih's teachers hitting another child. Needless to say, another child abuse investigation began. One of the teachers actually admitted to the allegations, which is a relief, so Izaih has not had to go through anymore rigorous interviews pertaining to that situation. Thank GOD. So hence the "private" blog.
This is our third child abuse investigation to be closely involved with in the past year. The last one, the one with the school, is so disappointing because it is one of the best child development centers in the state. It is a therapeutic school and is super hard to get into, so you would think that child abuse would never occur there.
The other ongoing investigation is with a place that has an extremely good reputation in our community. It's actually a place where abused children go to be kept safe. When we met Izaih and saw the interactions going on there, our guts told us that there was a lot of bad going on there, and there was no way we were going to let this tiny child go back there if we had a good home to raise him in. I'm so glad God has given us that intuition.
And the last investigation we were apart of SUCKED. It sucked for so many reasons, but mostly because there was nothing we could do. We, along with the detectives and investigators working on the case, all agreed that there was definite abuse and horrendous parenting by the people we reported, yet those involved lied (who can really blame them?) there was not enough evidence, and we reported it too late. I don't know how to forgive myself for not reporting it as it was happening, but I sure as hell will not make that mistake again. And again, these people, too, have a great reputation in the community.
WHERE ARE CHILDREN SAFE?!?!?!?!
I will point out an interesting thing, though. The child abuse hotline and the Children's Division did not accept the abuse allegations pertaining to Izaih's school, although the teacher actually admitted to doing it. Of course the school fired her immediately, but that just goes to show that just because it is not accepted does not mean it didn't happen. We will continue to follow our gut and report instances when children are being abused and/or not being kept safe, and we will not be sorry. We will of course accept consequences for whatever that means for us (whistleblowers don't usually maintain friends or close relationships with those in whom they "rat out", wonder why...), and we will willingly take the heat. If we have to go through hell for the rest of our lives in order to keep kids safe, so be it. Does that sound a bit dramatic? Oh, if only I could tell you all of the details of what we've been through this past year because of it!
There's more to tell of what's going on, but I'm exhausted so will save that for another time. Please pray for Izaih. Pray very, very hard. And please pray for all the abused children out there who are shamed, scared, and manipulated into silence.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
Private
This blog will be going private, at least for a while. We love being able to keep up with friends and family this way, and we love that you read, even those of you whom we don't know or know well. It really means a lot to us. If you would like to keep following us, just message me your email address on facebook or myspace - or of course on here - and I will send you the invite to create a password so you can still read.
Love to everyone!:)
Love to everyone!:)
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
CashCrate
Ever heard of CashCrate?
I've tried a ton of those survey sites at one time or another to try to make some extra cash. I finally found one that I like, and that actually pays! It's called CashCrate, and all you have to do is click on those dumb online ads, and you get paid various amounts for clicking on each one. You can also opt to try special offers and get paid for that, too. And on top of that, you earn cash by shopping at certain online stores.
Anyways, if you're interested in making some extra cash, look into setting up an account with them. Click here for the link.
I've tried a ton of those survey sites at one time or another to try to make some extra cash. I finally found one that I like, and that actually pays! It's called CashCrate, and all you have to do is click on those dumb online ads, and you get paid various amounts for clicking on each one. You can also opt to try special offers and get paid for that, too. And on top of that, you earn cash by shopping at certain online stores.
Anyways, if you're interested in making some extra cash, look into setting up an account with them. Click here for the link.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
You're No Good, You're No Good, You're No Good
Each year I get the biggest case of "birthday blues" that you have ever seen. I hate my birthday. A lot of significantly sucky things have happened on birthdays past, so I don't like to even acknowledge the day. This year, the night before my birthday, I got triggered by some past memories of abuse. That hasn't been happening for quite a while, so I was really taken off guard. I was a recluse all night and just wanted to drink away my sorrows (I didn't.) Well this is how Satan works in my life. Quite well. Every time. Gotta give him props. I wake up the next morning, and of course there's an ignorant comment from an antagonist in my life (why not, I mean, it IS my birthday), but that was nothing compared to what stared me in the face on my facebook account.
A friend request from my abuser. The one that the night before had haunted me so vividly.
The rest of the day was spent in sobering incapacitation. I couldn't do SQUAT. I was later distracted by birthday festivities (I had to for Izaih, lol) but 2 days later, I check Myspace. And he has resquested me as a friend, but with a message for me this time. BLOODY HELL!!!!!!!!!!! Again, incapacitated. All day. I wanted to numb my mind and self-medicate in any way I could get my hands on. If you are an abuse survivor, you understand this completely. If you are not, do not judge me.
Satan did this a year ago as well. I was getting to a really healthy place in my life where it pertained to my abuse. We went to dinner with one of my best friends, and he asked what had been going on with my anger. I finally spilled about some of the abuse that I had never had the guts to tell him, and it was a really great moment. I spoke of how God saved me from it all and really put amazing people and things in my life. How I was healing, and how good it felt. How I was learning to forgive and was finally feeling as if I was "moving on". It was so freeing to say all of that out loud. Amazing. Then we decided to go see a movie. As we crept into the back row, I had a moment of amazing happiness. Like chains were literally falling off of me. I remember smiling to myself because the happiness was so surreal and God's presence was so real. Then the person DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF ME in the row ahead turned his head.
It was one of my abusers. As tears of frustration and anger filled my eyes, I scanned my brain for what to do. I couldn't breathe, and I LOST it. I ran out of the theatre and was mortified. Satan was at it again, and as usual, his timing was perfect. I cried and cried the most sorrowful tears I've ever cried outside of that theatre. And then I had a thought. I was losing $8.50 because of this jerk (technically $17 - Mark was with me) and I really wanted to see this movie!!! I got angrier because Satan had won, and once again stripped me of all sense of security and happiness I had worked so hard to regain. So I stood up, marched right back into that theatre, and we sat in the very front row. Of course I bawled the whole 2 hours and barely remember a thing from the movie, but I regained some sliver of power that night.
Back to the myspace "friend" request abuser...I know it sounds funny, but I wanted to be his friend online. I wanted him to see my profile and see that he had not broken me. I wanted him to see what all I've done with my life, how strong it turns out I really am, and how much of an advocate I am now for others who have gone through similar things. I wanted him to see the error of his ways, apologize tearfully and sincerely, feel compelled to join me in my efforts of education, awareness, and advocacy of sexual assault, and us be best friends and write a book of what God can do with a situation as horrible as this. HAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!!!! Not gonna' happen. But I want that so badly it hurts. I want to forgive and love and let Christ live through me to restore what was taken from me.
For now, I have declined both friend requests and am working on not allowing myself to feel guilty for it. Not giving up, though, on hope that God can turn the most horrible things into something beautiful. Right now, though, I am not strong enough to combat any more emotional abuse from this guy. I've gone through enough with him and because of him. My whole family has suffered extensive consequences because of him. My dad lost his job partially because of this. My family got kicked out of our house and onto the streets because of this (thank God for family who would put us up). Long story, obviously. I digress. Please pray for my emotions and for healing for me and every other abuse survivor.
A friend request from my abuser. The one that the night before had haunted me so vividly.
The rest of the day was spent in sobering incapacitation. I couldn't do SQUAT. I was later distracted by birthday festivities (I had to for Izaih, lol) but 2 days later, I check Myspace. And he has resquested me as a friend, but with a message for me this time. BLOODY HELL!!!!!!!!!!! Again, incapacitated. All day. I wanted to numb my mind and self-medicate in any way I could get my hands on. If you are an abuse survivor, you understand this completely. If you are not, do not judge me.
Satan did this a year ago as well. I was getting to a really healthy place in my life where it pertained to my abuse. We went to dinner with one of my best friends, and he asked what had been going on with my anger. I finally spilled about some of the abuse that I had never had the guts to tell him, and it was a really great moment. I spoke of how God saved me from it all and really put amazing people and things in my life. How I was healing, and how good it felt. How I was learning to forgive and was finally feeling as if I was "moving on". It was so freeing to say all of that out loud. Amazing. Then we decided to go see a movie. As we crept into the back row, I had a moment of amazing happiness. Like chains were literally falling off of me. I remember smiling to myself because the happiness was so surreal and God's presence was so real. Then the person DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF ME in the row ahead turned his head.
It was one of my abusers. As tears of frustration and anger filled my eyes, I scanned my brain for what to do. I couldn't breathe, and I LOST it. I ran out of the theatre and was mortified. Satan was at it again, and as usual, his timing was perfect. I cried and cried the most sorrowful tears I've ever cried outside of that theatre. And then I had a thought. I was losing $8.50 because of this jerk (technically $17 - Mark was with me) and I really wanted to see this movie!!! I got angrier because Satan had won, and once again stripped me of all sense of security and happiness I had worked so hard to regain. So I stood up, marched right back into that theatre, and we sat in the very front row. Of course I bawled the whole 2 hours and barely remember a thing from the movie, but I regained some sliver of power that night.
Back to the myspace "friend" request abuser...I know it sounds funny, but I wanted to be his friend online. I wanted him to see my profile and see that he had not broken me. I wanted him to see what all I've done with my life, how strong it turns out I really am, and how much of an advocate I am now for others who have gone through similar things. I wanted him to see the error of his ways, apologize tearfully and sincerely, feel compelled to join me in my efforts of education, awareness, and advocacy of sexual assault, and us be best friends and write a book of what God can do with a situation as horrible as this. HAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!!!! Not gonna' happen. But I want that so badly it hurts. I want to forgive and love and let Christ live through me to restore what was taken from me.
For now, I have declined both friend requests and am working on not allowing myself to feel guilty for it. Not giving up, though, on hope that God can turn the most horrible things into something beautiful. Right now, though, I am not strong enough to combat any more emotional abuse from this guy. I've gone through enough with him and because of him. My whole family has suffered extensive consequences because of him. My dad lost his job partially because of this. My family got kicked out of our house and onto the streets because of this (thank God for family who would put us up). Long story, obviously. I digress. Please pray for my emotions and for healing for me and every other abuse survivor.
The One About Being a Parent
We were finally able to get Izaih a visit with a psychologist. Thank you, Aaron! The assessment itself told us nothing we didn't already know, but hopefully it will help us get in to see a psychiatrist. As I sat there listening to the psychologist list off all the things Izaih will likely be diagnosed with throughout his childhood and adolescense, I began to feel discouraged. We have been very adament about not having him diagnosed because
a.)personally, we do not want him labeled and
b.)professionally, I think it is harmful, usually inaccurate, and tends to create a self-fulfilling prophecy.
As we were driving home, I was all of a sudden filled with God's presence, and He really gave me the peace of mind of knowing that Izaih does not have to "be" these diagnoses. He is not doomed. He is not damaged beyond repair. We are here to love him despite whatever challenges he will face, but more importantly, we believe in him and will take an active role in making sure he is raised with character, love (x a million), advocacy, faith, rules, structure, knowledge, honesty, compassion, patience, and all the great things, both hard and wonderful, that encompass life. Love is a dead word without the actions to back it up. I have faith that what most see as his inevitable personality and "doom" does not have to be who he becomes in life.
The doctor and I were discussing the nature vs. nurture debate, and here is one thing we discussed: Why many adopted kids all of a sudden "change" in their teens and become "like their biological parents". Well, why do just as many non-adopted youth become the same way? You can argue the research back and forth, but I think that aside from the hardships of being an adopted youth, the answer is really simple. When you raise a child assuming and accepting they will be "nothing" coupled with not providing them with the structure, rules, self-confidence, character development, and safety (etc. etc. etc...) that all kids need, you cripple them and severely harm them. Self-fulfilling prophecy is one of the only absolute truths I have come to accept in this life. Can I get an amen from all the social workers and educated individuals out there?! Lol
Here's to all the children out there - adopted or not - whose parents have "failed" them and refused to parent them in a way that proves their unconditional love, and keeps them safe and secure. May we all as a society learn to take responsibility for that, remove our rose-colored glasses, and learn to quit letting abused and neglected children suffer in agonizing and helpless silence. Please hold Mark and I accountable ALWAYS in raising Izaih in a way that would be both pleasing to God and not just a half-ass job.
"The test of the morality of a society is what it does for its children."
-Dietrich Bonhoeffer
a.)personally, we do not want him labeled and
b.)professionally, I think it is harmful, usually inaccurate, and tends to create a self-fulfilling prophecy.
As we were driving home, I was all of a sudden filled with God's presence, and He really gave me the peace of mind of knowing that Izaih does not have to "be" these diagnoses. He is not doomed. He is not damaged beyond repair. We are here to love him despite whatever challenges he will face, but more importantly, we believe in him and will take an active role in making sure he is raised with character, love (x a million), advocacy, faith, rules, structure, knowledge, honesty, compassion, patience, and all the great things, both hard and wonderful, that encompass life. Love is a dead word without the actions to back it up. I have faith that what most see as his inevitable personality and "doom" does not have to be who he becomes in life.
The doctor and I were discussing the nature vs. nurture debate, and here is one thing we discussed: Why many adopted kids all of a sudden "change" in their teens and become "like their biological parents". Well, why do just as many non-adopted youth become the same way? You can argue the research back and forth, but I think that aside from the hardships of being an adopted youth, the answer is really simple. When you raise a child assuming and accepting they will be "nothing" coupled with not providing them with the structure, rules, self-confidence, character development, and safety (etc. etc. etc...) that all kids need, you cripple them and severely harm them. Self-fulfilling prophecy is one of the only absolute truths I have come to accept in this life. Can I get an amen from all the social workers and educated individuals out there?! Lol
Here's to all the children out there - adopted or not - whose parents have "failed" them and refused to parent them in a way that proves their unconditional love, and keeps them safe and secure. May we all as a society learn to take responsibility for that, remove our rose-colored glasses, and learn to quit letting abused and neglected children suffer in agonizing and helpless silence. Please hold Mark and I accountable ALWAYS in raising Izaih in a way that would be both pleasing to God and not just a half-ass job.
"The test of the morality of a society is what it does for its children."
-Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Going To Work
First, a funny. I just asked Izaih if he knows what his body is made of, and he told me "chicken". AHAHAHAHA!!!!!:)
Yesterday was kind of a crazy day. Mark got up to watch cartoons with Izaih,but then fell asleep on the couch. I guess Izaih saw that as prime opportunity to be mischievous, and climbed up and snatched the car keys. He somehow snuck out the back door and got out the gate without either of us hearing him (the alarm on that door quit working, so we don't even bother with it anymore). Someone from the shady barber shop downstairs found him in our car with the car started, and he was trying to figure out how to drive it. I guess they thought it was a better idea to teach us a lesson to scare us rather than to bring him home, so he sat in the shady crowded barber shop (in ONLY a t-shirt, no less) for who knows how long until a neighbor came and got us to let us know that they had him. We were freaking out! I guess we should be thankful, but seriously, WHO DOES THAT?!? Is it that hard to climb the steps or pick up the phone??? I guess from their perspective, though, they're thinking, 'Is it that hard to take care of your kid?!' Oh, and when we asked Izaih why he was trying to drive away, he said he was "trying to go to work" (he loves Mark's work and calls it his work).
He's been getting up just about every night and we'll find him in the pantry or in his bed with a tub of peanut butter or something. We keep finding his hiding spots where he hoards food. Aside from a few isolated incidents, this is new for him. We expected him to do this when he first came to us, but he's been with us for a year now so we're not sure what has triggered it exactly. Also last week, he opened his window and pushed the screen out again. This absolutely TERRIFIES me. Last time he did that, I found him literally hanging out of the window!! Locks don't work; he can somehow get them off. Alarms don't work; he knows how to unman them. Seriously, he would be the GREATEST little escape artist. He is way too smart for his own good.
We finally have decided to go the meds route with him, but only because people convinced us it would be the best thing for him since he has such trauma, etc. We've tried calling every-single-psychiatrist in the area, and no one - I mean NOOOOO ONE will see him for various reasons. Between us and our caseworkers, we've called over 100 people/places. Not exagerating. We have even tried to go the backdoor way by taking him to the E.R. to be seen as a crisis patient (spent 9 hours there, by the way, and all we got were sleep meds).
Me, the walking resource manual, cannot find a stinkin doctor!!!! Geez....:(
The occupational therapist at school has been having him wear a weighted vest to help slow him down and curb some of that energy. His teachers have been having him do the crabwalk through the halls to wear him out. The developmental therapist has been working with him on anger management. My dad suggested we try giving him caffeine, since it sometimes has the reverse effect on kids with hyperactivity. We just did that, so please pray for us, haha! I want to sleep tonight! I love my sweet boy more and more every day!!!!
He drew a picture on his belly...not bad!
Yesterday was kind of a crazy day. Mark got up to watch cartoons with Izaih,but then fell asleep on the couch. I guess Izaih saw that as prime opportunity to be mischievous, and climbed up and snatched the car keys. He somehow snuck out the back door and got out the gate without either of us hearing him (the alarm on that door quit working, so we don't even bother with it anymore). Someone from the shady barber shop downstairs found him in our car with the car started, and he was trying to figure out how to drive it. I guess they thought it was a better idea to teach us a lesson to scare us rather than to bring him home, so he sat in the shady crowded barber shop (in ONLY a t-shirt, no less) for who knows how long until a neighbor came and got us to let us know that they had him. We were freaking out! I guess we should be thankful, but seriously, WHO DOES THAT?!? Is it that hard to climb the steps or pick up the phone??? I guess from their perspective, though, they're thinking, 'Is it that hard to take care of your kid?!' Oh, and when we asked Izaih why he was trying to drive away, he said he was "trying to go to work" (he loves Mark's work and calls it his work).
He's been getting up just about every night and we'll find him in the pantry or in his bed with a tub of peanut butter or something. We keep finding his hiding spots where he hoards food. Aside from a few isolated incidents, this is new for him. We expected him to do this when he first came to us, but he's been with us for a year now so we're not sure what has triggered it exactly. Also last week, he opened his window and pushed the screen out again. This absolutely TERRIFIES me. Last time he did that, I found him literally hanging out of the window!! Locks don't work; he can somehow get them off. Alarms don't work; he knows how to unman them. Seriously, he would be the GREATEST little escape artist. He is way too smart for his own good.
We finally have decided to go the meds route with him, but only because people convinced us it would be the best thing for him since he has such trauma, etc. We've tried calling every-single-psychiatrist in the area, and no one - I mean NOOOOO ONE will see him for various reasons. Between us and our caseworkers, we've called over 100 people/places. Not exagerating. We have even tried to go the backdoor way by taking him to the E.R. to be seen as a crisis patient (spent 9 hours there, by the way, and all we got were sleep meds).
Me, the walking resource manual, cannot find a stinkin doctor!!!! Geez....:(
The occupational therapist at school has been having him wear a weighted vest to help slow him down and curb some of that energy. His teachers have been having him do the crabwalk through the halls to wear him out. The developmental therapist has been working with him on anger management. My dad suggested we try giving him caffeine, since it sometimes has the reverse effect on kids with hyperactivity. We just did that, so please pray for us, haha! I want to sleep tonight! I love my sweet boy more and more every day!!!!
He drew a picture on his belly...not bad!Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Inauguration Day Present
I am soooo excited about our new president!!!!! Izaih kept telling everyone that we have a new "present":) Well in a way, Obama IS a present - a really great one for our country!! Izaih also kept asking when "The Rock Obama" was coming over...he's picking up on our excitement and is really excited himself:)
On Monday, Izaih and I watched some old MLK videos and talked about who he was and what he tried to teach people. When asked about MLK today he said, "He teaches everyone to love each other." I am so unbelievably proud of this child - he grows and changes everday! It was a year ago yesterday that we first laid eyes on him. How far we have all come!
On a side note, 90% off at Bath and Body Works...Go getcha' some!!!!!
On Monday, Izaih and I watched some old MLK videos and talked about who he was and what he tried to teach people. When asked about MLK today he said, "He teaches everyone to love each other." I am so unbelievably proud of this child - he grows and changes everday! It was a year ago yesterday that we first laid eyes on him. How far we have all come!
On a side note, 90% off at Bath and Body Works...Go getcha' some!!!!!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
I still havent learned my lesson...
When we first got Izaih, my wonderful supervisors from work let me bring home some toys for Izaih to play with. I didn't want his first visit with us to be toyless. And as I'm sure most of you parents could guess, he didnt play with a single toy that I brought home for him to play with. Since then, I have spent who knows how much money on toys because I just 'knew that he would play with this one', or 'how could he not love this one?' I have still not learned my lesson. The first day he was with us he danced to music for the whole two hours that he was at our apartment. And as you can see from the video, he has more fun jumping on pillows than anything else. If it wasnt bedtime I'm sure he could of kept jumping for at least another 20 minutes (which is how long he had been jumping before I took the video). At Christmas, Emma and I both were like "were not spening a lot of money on him because he wont play with any of the toys that we get him." Of course we spent more on him than anyone else. To give you an example of how little he plays with his toys, we used to take some of his toys and wrap them in a box and give them to him as a "special treat" when he had really good days. He loved it. So if anyone is ever wondering what they could get him as a present, pillows will suffice.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Calm Down - It's Cool
I committed to this research study a few months back, but haven't officially started it. I've just been doing all the preliminary stuff. Anyways, got a call today that they messed up and I don't actually qualify for it. HOWEVER, because it was their mistake, they're paying me the full amount anyways - WOOHOO!!!! God works:)
I was at the bank drive-through and heard this woman screaming in the car next to me. I looked over to see what was going on, and she starts screaming and cursing at me, asking what I was looking at. She was obviously angry and irrational, so I didn't provoke her by answering her. I just looked away. A few minutes later, the driver gets out of the car, pops the hood, and it looked like something was wrong with their car. I rolled the windows down, and the woman starts screaming and calling me names again. I said, "Well I was just wondering if your car is okay and if you guys need some help. Do you need a jump or anything?" The guy says "no" and the woman immediately calms down, looks at me very apologetically, and quietly says, "Thank you, thank you".
Kill with kindness, y'all. You never know what kind of battle people are battling on the inside.
I was at the bank drive-through and heard this woman screaming in the car next to me. I looked over to see what was going on, and she starts screaming and cursing at me, asking what I was looking at. She was obviously angry and irrational, so I didn't provoke her by answering her. I just looked away. A few minutes later, the driver gets out of the car, pops the hood, and it looked like something was wrong with their car. I rolled the windows down, and the woman starts screaming and calling me names again. I said, "Well I was just wondering if your car is okay and if you guys need some help. Do you need a jump or anything?" The guy says "no" and the woman immediately calms down, looks at me very apologetically, and quietly says, "Thank you, thank you".
Kill with kindness, y'all. You never know what kind of battle people are battling on the inside.
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