Hi ho, Hi ho

I have been feeling so busy and so overwhelmed since I started my new job. It's a lot of late hours, and I've been really resentful of missing a single moment with Izaiah in the evening on account of work. I haven't felt like I've been able to be there for my friends or my family in the way that I want to be, and all my ideas and plans for ministry and loving people get pushed aside for lack of time and sheer exhaustion. The more time that goes by, the more frustrated I become. If I had it my way, I would be staying at home with Izaiah. No more work, is what I keep wishing for.

The other day as I was driving home, I began talking to God about all of this and how frustrated I am. "I don't have any time for the things you've wanted me to do. I'm stuck at work too much. I don't have any time," were things I was saying to Him. Silly me. God butted in and spoke some things to my heart that made me feel really dumb. I'm so "busy" at my job that I'm "not doing His work" and "not getting to love the people who need me most". What do I think I'm doing at my job all day? What am I there for? I have more opportunities than anyone out there to love people and help people, and I have a huge impact on their lives, good or bad. What am I doing, asking God to put people in my life that need me, asking him to make me less busy so I can have time to do that?!

I've compartmentalized my life pretty well, and it never occurred to me that it doesn't have to be that way. I can love and help people all week long and still make money. I can be a good mommy to my baby and still work. I can immerse myself in "work" and not feel the pressure to leave it at the office. I don't have to separate work, God, friends, family, ministry, and fun into different categories. It is fine to overlap them. My job can be my ministry, and it SHOULD be! Ministry is loving the unloveable, denying myself, and seeing things as God sees them. In my daily rush, I have overlooked all the obvious people that God has placed in my life. I can be the best social worker, but I have to step out of the 40-hour workweek rat race mindset that Satan has tried to make me feel trapped into. I understand about boundaries, but I feel set free from the pressure I had to create more of them. It's hard to explain, but I feel freedom in a lot of ways, now that I have finally given my frustrations with this to God and He has set me straight.

ANYWAY

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;

Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;

Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;

Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;

Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;

Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;

Give the world the best you've got anyway.

My Heart

I love my sweet baby more every day! He gets funnier and cuter and sweeter every day! Here are some of his deliciously sweet quotes:

"Mommy, even when I'm a grown-up big boy I'll still be your little baby."

"I love Daddy the most and you the best."

He says he wants to be a daddy when he grows up. His favorite book is I'll Love You Forever and he wants me to sing him the song every night. Some nights he sings it to me in his sweet little falsetto voice and I could just MELT. I want to stop these moments in time and relish them longer.

On Halloween with Izaiah's old preschool teacher, Cassie. She babysits for us now and
we LOVE her!

Brotha from anotha Motha

We had a perfect weekend. Forest Park, dinner at Highland Brewery, movie night with Dana, shopping in the Loop, smoothies, Bread Co., soccer in the backyard, reading books with Izaiah, etc. PERFECT.

A few weeks ago we found out Izaiah has at least 3 additional siblings that we did not know about. That throws a wrench in the adoption plans, but just a small one. The next week we were made aware that Izaiah's biological grandmother died of AIDS; therefore the next day Izaiah's 13-year old uncle (who we also did not know about) came into foster care. Izaiah lived with his grandma when he was taken into care, so I assume he spent a lot of time with his uncle. We can't bring him into our home, though, because we can't do foster care with the state because of my job. That's probably a good thing, as I'm not sure that would have been good for Izaiah. I was really excited to go to the funeral and get to meet Izaiah's family while staying under the radar, but they're all heroine addicts, so there were no funeral arrangements made. Isn't that so sad? Now we have the dilemma of whether or not to contact Izaiah's siblings and uncle to try to maintain relationships with them. That would be no dilemma, except I think their parents would be hard to deal with. Tough stuff.

LOVE. IT!

Where Does the Time Go?

It's almost November?! We have been so busy here at the Fitzgerald home! Izaiah is growing exponentially. He is cuter and funnier than ever! He had to switch Kindergarten teachers again. Let me show you just how many he has gone through:

1. Ms. Totten
2. Ms. V
3. Ms. Glass
4. Ms. Totten (again)
5. Mr. Richardson
6. Ms. Anderson
7. Ms. Anderson (same name, different teacher)

This time it was because there was a kid in the room that has bad behaviors, too, and they would feed off one another. I don't think the teacher could handle them both. Then we had the issue of the school nurse refusing to give Izaiah his medicine because his heart rate was up! Of course it's up! Because he's running around hyper because you haven't given him his medicine! Then some days she just wouldn't give him his medicine. Then she'd call us 6 times a day. Then she'd tell me Mark had been up at the school to get Izaiah when he didn't. Then she'd say Izaiah was sleeping through class everyday (that part was quite humorous). Then she'd call and leave messages on my voicemail about chocolate. I think that nurse is losing it. Either that or she's getting dementia. The principal was so exasperated with her because Izaiah would have to spend an hour in her office every day after cussing out the teachers because he hadn't gotten his meds. Then the principal started sneaking behind the nurse's back to give him meds. Then the nurse got wind and would call us to come pick him up because she refused to give him anything. It was CRAZY for awhile, although humorous now :)

My job is nuts...NUTS! But I'm going to love it once I get into the swing of things. That should be in about a year. One of the biggest, sneakiest things God has used me for in my life happened at work and it's an amazing story. I will try to blog about it soon. Other than that, I took my first kid into foster care on Friday. It was awful. I'm so thankful to be that person, though, that it brings tears to my eyes. I have wanted to be "that social worker" ever since I was nine and read a book with a social worker character that was cold and jaded while working with kids, like it was just a normal, boring day when she brought a kid into care. To get to be the one to love on those kids during such an awful, traumatic experience means so much to me. I wish I could take that hurt and feel it for them.

Our neighbors are awesome. Our home is awesome. Friends are awesome. God is awesome.

The adoption process has officially begun! Hopefully things will be finalized by January. Ran into some pretty big - yet minor - setbacks. I'll blog about that later too. Promise.

Washed By The Water

Sometimes it's hard for me to see past the hurt in my life, especially the hurt that people I once respected and trusted have caused. This puts into perspective for me that God is good, even when others are not. Those people, too, are washed by His blood.

Lady Gaga's super shocking performance!

Am I the only one who thought this was brilliant?

What Does a Mommy Say?

We were in the car quizzing Izaiah on what noises each animal makes. Here's how that conversation went:

Me - "What does a pig say?"

Izaiah - "Oink!"

Me - "What does a cow say?"
Izaiah - "Moooo!"
Me - "Good, now what does a horse say?"
Izaiah - "Naaaay!"
Mark - "And what does a Mommy say?"
Izaiah - "NO!"