I have been feeling so busy and so overwhelmed since I started my new job. It's a lot of late hours, and I've been really resentful of missing a single moment with Izaiah in the evening on account of work. I haven't felt like I've been able to be there for my friends or my family in the way that I want to be, and all my ideas and plans for ministry and loving people get pushed aside for lack of time and sheer exhaustion. The more time that goes by, the more frustrated I become. If I had it my way, I would be staying at home with Izaiah. No more work, is what I keep wishing for.
The other day as I was driving home, I began talking to God about all of this and how frustrated I am. "I don't have any time for the things you've wanted me to do. I'm stuck at work too much. I don't have any time," were things I was saying to Him. Silly me. God butted in and spoke some things to my heart that made me feel really dumb. I'm so "busy" at my job that I'm "not doing His work" and "not getting to love the people who need me most". What do I think I'm doing at my job all day? What am I there for? I have more opportunities than anyone out there to love people and help people, and I have a huge impact on their lives, good or bad. What am I doing, asking God to put people in my life that need me, asking him to make me less busy so I can have time to do that?!
I've compartmentalized my life pretty well, and it never occurred to me that it doesn't have to be that way. I can love and help people all week long and still make money. I can be a good mommy to my baby and still work. I can immerse myself in "work" and not feel the pressure to leave it at the office. I don't have to separate work, God, friends, family, ministry, and fun into different categories. It is fine to overlap them. My job can be my ministry, and it SHOULD be! Ministry is loving the unloveable, denying myself, and seeing things as God sees them. In my daily rush, I have overlooked all the obvious people that God has placed in my life. I can be the best social worker, but I have to step out of the 40-hour workweek rat race mindset that Satan has tried to make me feel trapped into. I understand about boundaries, but I feel set free from the pressure I had to create more of them. It's hard to explain, but I feel freedom in a lot of ways, now that I have finally given my frustrations with this to God and He has set me straight.
2 comments:
Keep on going, sweet Girl. I just love how you have given your struggles to God and have been open to hear his voice speaking back! What a joy it is to know that my daughter has a relationship with Jesus and is relying on Him! I remember hearing my own Mother praying for all her children to be faithful Christians and I pondered at the obvious priority that heavenly things had in her life. As an older woman and mother myself, I totally understand her feelings. The assurance of knowing that even though we as loving parents have definite limitations and frailties, our "God is able to do immeasuably more than all we ask or imagine according to His power that is at work within us." So your reliance on God is much more productive and meaningful than your reliance on family or friends, even though these are important and have their place. As human beings, we unintentionally let each other down at times; Jesus never has and never will. Thank you so much for sharing your faith and your love with those around you! I love you so much!!!
Thanks for this reminder! I call it the "curse of the working mother!" We CAN do it all!
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