I have no idea what to tell first. Spark of Life was one of the most amazing things I have ever done in my life. There is so much to tell, so much that I still need to process.
The retreat was held on this adorable ranch in Texas. It was so beautiful, surrounded by ponds and grassy fields. I never knew Texas was pretty! The place we stayed was called Selah Ranch. It was like a really big Bed and Breakfast. Each room was decorated very uniquely, and it was such a homey, yet upscale environment. Every detail of the place was well thought out and meaningful, from the art on the walls, the amazing meals, Tempurpedic mattresses, endless glasses of homemade iced tea, and huge gift baskets in our rooms. There was a large flat screen TV in every room, but you would have hardly noticed it, nor would you ever need it. There were cottages separate from the main house. The place was surrounded by grassy fields, huge oak trees, and I counted 8 large ponds. Every nook and cranny was decorated or had such thoughtful detail. There were several gardens. You could walk the property and find benches, tree swings, chairs, etc. all over the property. They had plenty of golf carts that you could just head out with whenever you felt like it. There was something so peaceful about riding that golf cart down the long, paved, tree lined road that led to and from Selah.
There were 17 participants, plus four group leaders. We did a lot of time together as a group, learning and processing our losses. I don't want to say too much about it because I want others to go and get just as much out of it as I did. I will say that we were pampered to the point of disbelief. We broke out into groups of three a lot during the weekend, and those were the people whose stories you really got to know. Some people were there because of the death of a child, parent, friend, partner, or even a loss that did not include death. We had homework each night, and it was so meaningful. It was not faith based, but had a lot of spiritual components. No discrimination, religious guilt, or self righteousness, even though one of the leaders is a pastor. Anyone of any faith could attend this and find it to be so healing. There were several components that they taught were necessary in order to get out of the "pit" of your grief. I realized that I have been dealing with my dad's death in a really healthy way, but there were still things that I needed to deal with. We all cried buckets throughout the weekend, and not just because of our own losses. We really got to know the others that were there, and the losses they endured. Such as baby Will, who died at two months old; Cowboy, who died at age 52 from a heart attack; or Max, who was killed in a car wreck two weeks before he started as a Freshman in college. It was hard to see others going through such raw pain, but also so cathartic. Everyone there just "got it". There were so many things that did not have to be explained.
David, Debbie, Rusty, and Nancy were the leaders of the group. David and Debbie started the organization a few years ago after losing their infant grandson. One of the losses they worked through this retreat, though, was the loss associated to their son being sexually abused. Their son is now an adult, but when David was a minister at a church in another state, his son was abused by someone in the church, and it occurred AT the church building. They did not find out until years later, after their son confessed that he was struggling with his sexuality and thought he was a homosexual. He got into therapy for the sexual abuse and worked through a lot of things, one of them being his sexuality. After years of therapy he realized that he was not a homosexual, but had been made to feel that way since his abuser was a male, the abuse was pleasurable, and he did not try to stop it from happening. The son later went on to get married, which he never thought he would do. He and his wife were expecting a baby, but the baby died 7 minutes after he was born. This caused many layers of grief, partially because the son and family never thought he would biologically have his own children. To feel like they had come so far with their wounds from the sexual abuse, and then to have this child, the one they never thought would exist, be taken from them felt very unfair. That's when they decided to celebrate his life by helping others cope with their losses, thus Spark of Life was born.
My family and I, as most everyone else there also indicated, gained so much meaning and healing from the weekend that I would dare call it profound. I feel like I got to a better place with my relationship with my dad. I think it was good for Mark to be given the space to grieve, too. My dad was also very much his dad ("Pops"), and they were very close. It was one of the greatest joys in my life, seeing my dad teach Mark how to love me better, and seeing them so eager and excited to spend time together. My dad was so proud that I married Mark, and so proud to call him his son-in-law. They are so much alike. My dad would have loved it there. He gradually became more "country" as the years went by. I miss him so terribly much.
I am including the link for the Selah Ranch. When you click on it, the picture on that page is of our room. I am not kidding, I am totally suggesting that our friends come spend a long weekend with us there. It is the perfect place for solitude, a family reunion, or any kind of retreat. It is heaven on earth! Especially in October, I bet! They are still trying to decide if they will have the next retreat there or elsewhere. I hope they keep it there because it was the perfect setting!
The awesome news is that the retreat is completely free for participants, which includes, meals, lodging, and everything included. You just have to pay for your own transportation expenses. They do a lot of fundraising to make sure each participant is able to attend without the financial burden they might normally bring with them. So cool!
http://www.selahranch.com/room-promise.html
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