Hard

Mark and I have been taking a Behavioral class on Monday night with about 20 other Foster/Adoptive Parents with children with severe behaviors. I feel like I am surrounded by about 20 angels while I am in that class. To hear their stories and see how some of them are parenting alone, or with three special needs kids, or while unemployed is so humbling. The class has turned out to be more of a support group, which has been a real blessing. It is unbelievably isolating to have a child with the brain damage and special needs that Izaiah has. We are just now starting to understand it, so it is next to impossible to get others to understand it. Our parenting with Izaiah looks so much different than how we would parent a different child. It's very hard to parent in a way that feels unnatural, but we have to do what works and what is best for Izaiah. Judgment seems to permeate from everywhere when this "normal" looking child shows some of his more colorful behavior. We are working on not letting that judgment define us, or define him. I guess it's a process. If Izaiah had autism or cerebral palsy, I think people would generally be a lot more tolerant and understanding of his special needs. However, when he looks physically normal, it is hard for people to GET that regular parenting techniques do not and will not ever work with him. There needs to be more support out there for children like this and the parents that raise them. So if you think of it, please go to God on our behalf. We could use every prayer you could spare!

The adoption is finally underway. We are seeing a light at the end of the tunnel! Hallelujah! This process is so hard for so many reasons. Sometimes I wish it could be the fairytale you imagine it to be, but what would be meaningful in that? Izaiah is excited about his new name (which we will reveal soon). He keeps saying, "You'll always be my Mommy? Forever and ever?" Words cannot TELL you how much we adore this child. Even when he is not calling me "Mommy", but something verrrry different. Hannah has been working with him after school and he is thriving with her. I love the bond those two have. Good aunts are a commodity. Every child needs someone who just thinks they are IT. Not IT the movie, but IT, the greatest thing next to Register Rewards from Walgreens. Hannah is that person for Izaiah. Izaiah, however, has learned that Hannah does NOT like to be woken up in the morning. I would love to have a video camera handy on those days. Ha!

Izaiah has hit a growth spurt. He is growing so fast we can barely keep clothes on him! He won a blue ribbon for his class's science fair project and we are so so proud of him!

We are having some rather LARGE complications with our house. Too much drama to write about, but maybe one day when it is long enough removed to be funny.

My job is ridiculous! I have an intense love/hate relationship with it. Oh the stories I wish I could share! I have a year and a half left of licensure, which is very surreal to me. I cannot wait to put LCSW behind my name. My research on foster parent retention and satisfaction has generated some interest in the field, so I'm not sure where that will lead, but it's neat!
"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a great battle."

Prayer Requests

My 8 year old cousin, Stone, was killed in a car wreck this past week. They live in Colorado. His mom and sister were also in the car. Alahna, 12, is in critical condition. It breaks my heart. Please pray. It makes me hug my baby boy a lot tighter.

Second of all, we are in the process of working through things with Mark's family. There has been a lot of lies and nastiness. A lot of it continues, but we feel it is important to love and forgive and are trying our best to do that regardless. Please pray for us, as we wish for this situation to be fixed and everyone to just love each other. It's quite a doosy, though.

On a similar note, I recently attended a training regarding interview techniques for sexual abuse victims. I found out some really shocking statistics that I want to share. I would cite the source, but it's at work. Let me know if you would like it. The studies were done with children who alleged sexual abuse which was later substantiated (proved true due to evidence). The studies show that 77% of those children later recant their stories and adamantly deny the abuse ever occuring. Is this because it didn't actually occur? NO. This is because the children see the consequences of having told, consequences like having their family angry with them, still having to be in contact with the abuser, fear of retaliation, fear of having to leave their family or be placed in foster care, or simply because denying to themselves that it happened is the only way they can cope. And these are the kids that have the courage to tell at some point. So can you even imagine all of the children that are never able to tell? Another fact is that in many families, there might be several siblings but only one who is a victim of abuse or neglect. This is so heartbreaking that I can't stand it.

On a random note, Izaiah is the most precious child in the world! The other day I was frustrated with him about something, and he said, ''Mommy, all I want to do is just make you happy.'' God help me because now I am comPLETely wrapped around his little finger!

Late Pictures

This is what Mark did all break. He loves his new laptop.

Everyone on Christmas morning

Izaiah helping Mama G make breakfast

Izaiah and Uncle Dave

He likes his bubbles "like a marshmallow"!

Cousins!

I never posted pics of our trip to Searcy for Thanksgiving. Izaiah had a blast with all my little second cousins. They were precious.

Kayla, Sophia, and Izaiah

Right after Thanksgiving we got to meet our new sweet baby neice, Jillian Kate. She's a doll. Izaiah loved her, but couldn't understand why she can't play with him yet :)




Mark's sister, Danielle, had her baby right after Christmas and we got to go see her just a few hours old. Little Aniyah Sky is so tiny! Izaiah was smitten. Actually, so was Mark. And as for me... what do you think? :) All these girl cousins. Izaiah's the only boy cousin. How long will that last? Anyone?

The Perfect Christmas

I will post pics soon, promise :)

We had the most wonderful time this holiday! We hosted my Dad's family for Christmas Eve this year. I was tuckered out from working til 11 the night before and that day, plus Izaiah and I were sick, but it was fun anyways. Rosa-Mae showed up and surprised us all except for Dad. We were sooo excited!!!! It was so special to have us ALL here around the Christmas tree on Christmas morning. Me, Mark, Izaiah, Mom, Dad, Jonathan, Hannah, David, Grandma, Grandpa, Rosa-Mae and Carlos. It was one of the most perfect 24 hours :)

Izaiah was spoiled ROTTEN with toys...a new scooter, bike, workshop, costumes, games, shoes, clothes, Cardinal jersey, etc. etc. etc. We try so hard not to spoil him with material things, but it is so hard! Especially after all he has been through. I think he would have been just as happy having all his family around him. He loves everyone and is so attached to everyone. I could not be happier :)

My adorable husband got me a GPS and tempurpedic pillows! He is so sweet :) Hannah gave us a free night of babysitting and a gift card to the Drunken Fish. I can't wait! We are so blessed beyond anything I could have ever hoped for. I truly believe that many times it takes us going through something agonizingly painful in order to appreciate the true blessings in your life. In that way, I am thankful for the painful times. I am thankful that God meets me where I am at and does not demand perfection out of me.

Thanks Mom for cooking and cleaning while I was sick! I wish I had taken more pictures. Every year I say that, every year.

Hi ho, Hi ho

I have been feeling so busy and so overwhelmed since I started my new job. It's a lot of late hours, and I've been really resentful of missing a single moment with Izaiah in the evening on account of work. I haven't felt like I've been able to be there for my friends or my family in the way that I want to be, and all my ideas and plans for ministry and loving people get pushed aside for lack of time and sheer exhaustion. The more time that goes by, the more frustrated I become. If I had it my way, I would be staying at home with Izaiah. No more work, is what I keep wishing for.

The other day as I was driving home, I began talking to God about all of this and how frustrated I am. "I don't have any time for the things you've wanted me to do. I'm stuck at work too much. I don't have any time," were things I was saying to Him. Silly me. God butted in and spoke some things to my heart that made me feel really dumb. I'm so "busy" at my job that I'm "not doing His work" and "not getting to love the people who need me most". What do I think I'm doing at my job all day? What am I there for? I have more opportunities than anyone out there to love people and help people, and I have a huge impact on their lives, good or bad. What am I doing, asking God to put people in my life that need me, asking him to make me less busy so I can have time to do that?!

I've compartmentalized my life pretty well, and it never occurred to me that it doesn't have to be that way. I can love and help people all week long and still make money. I can be a good mommy to my baby and still work. I can immerse myself in "work" and not feel the pressure to leave it at the office. I don't have to separate work, God, friends, family, ministry, and fun into different categories. It is fine to overlap them. My job can be my ministry, and it SHOULD be! Ministry is loving the unloveable, denying myself, and seeing things as God sees them. In my daily rush, I have overlooked all the obvious people that God has placed in my life. I can be the best social worker, but I have to step out of the 40-hour workweek rat race mindset that Satan has tried to make me feel trapped into. I understand about boundaries, but I feel set free from the pressure I had to create more of them. It's hard to explain, but I feel freedom in a lot of ways, now that I have finally given my frustrations with this to God and He has set me straight.

ANYWAY

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;

Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;

Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;

Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;

Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;

Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;

Give the world the best you've got anyway.

My Heart

I love my sweet baby more every day! He gets funnier and cuter and sweeter every day! Here are some of his deliciously sweet quotes:

"Mommy, even when I'm a grown-up big boy I'll still be your little baby."

"I love Daddy the most and you the best."

He says he wants to be a daddy when he grows up. His favorite book is I'll Love You Forever and he wants me to sing him the song every night. Some nights he sings it to me in his sweet little falsetto voice and I could just MELT. I want to stop these moments in time and relish them longer.

On Halloween with Izaiah's old preschool teacher, Cassie. She babysits for us now and
we LOVE her!