Izaiah's Grief

Izaiah has had several great days in a row.  We had alone time together and he was kind and respectful.   He played a very successful game of Monopoly with me this morning.  This afternoon he even kissed me on the cheek!  *SWOON*

On Friday night, Izaiah insisted on watching this movie on Netflix called The Fifth Quarter.  It looked good, but sad.  We watched it as a family, and boy was it!  It was about a family whose teenage son was killed in a car accident and how they coped in the aftermath.  In the middle of it, Izaiah just burst into tears and was sobbing, saying he didn't want to lose his daddy.  Mark and I just held him and loved on him.  This was not completely out of nowhere, since he has been preoccupied with people he loves dying since my dad died.  I hate that he did not get to be with us for the Memorial Service.  I'm glad he was spared from all the agony the rest of us experienced that week, but since he did not witness the process, he has no reference point for how to grieve.  I can tell he is not sure whether to be sad, angry, confused, thankful, etc.  He brings it up several times a day, but in ways that tell me he is confused.  He will say, "It sure is gonna be hard without Papa," and sighs real big.  Later he will say something like, "Papa is stupid," and seems to be mad at him.  Some days he asks a ton of questions about Papa's new body, or if Papa is coming back.  He has been talking about not wanting to lose his grandma.

So when he cried during this movie, I was somewhat thankful since it gave him an outlet to express his fears and confusing emotions about death.  After we processed it together, something completely changed, and he has not been angry since.  I want to have something for Izaiah that helps him to remember my dad and their special relationship.  Izaiah adored my dad and he adored Izaiah.  One of the last things my dad posted on his facebook wall was this:

     "My profile pic is of me and my grandson whom I refer to at times as "Tornado" for a good reason.  I 
          love storms!!"

I desperately don't want Izaiah to forget that bond.  Thinking that he one day might makes me hyperventilate.  I have one of my dad's favorite t-shirts for Izaiah.  One of my mom's friends suggested making it into a pillowcase for his "snugglie" pillow.  If anyone has any other ideas, let me know.