Happy Easter Friends!

Easter was great! We went to church Saturday night and Sunday. Sunday's church was a total dud. Should have known - it was called the Dream Center and it was started by a famous televangelist. Thumbs down. But we love them anyway! Just not our niche. Izaih has been screaming "JESUS IS ALIVE! JESUS IS ALIVE!" and it is so sweet. We need a church family soo bad!!!!!!!!!!!!

Izaih on Easter morning looking OH-SO-CUTE!

Mark dressed as a pirate for the CN benefit - this pic doesn't really capture it but he looked dang hott!:) Izaih was not to be outdone; he had to dress up, too!

My baby brother turned 15 and I can't stand it! He is growing up into such an incredible man of God...His talents are endless and his destiny is HUGE.

A BABY!

Almost.

One of our old caseworkers called today to see if we wanted to take a 6-month old. Umm, YEAH!!! We had almost worked everything out when he called back to say that a different family was going to take the baby because they live really close to the biological parents. Sad for us. They said that we will get the next baby that comes into care, though, if all goes well! WOO!!!

Izaih's meds are almost all worked out - cross your fingers! We got a new door knob for his door, and it's been so cold that I guess he doesn't want to open the windows, so he is spending a lot of quality time in his room lately. He calms down a lot quicker now that he realizes he doesn't have an audience and isn't so in control anymore! He starts new meds tomorrow, so hopefully things will die down around here a bit.

Long days lately. Izaih hasn't been doing well. He's been doing an extended forensic interview, so his behaviors have gotten much worse than they ever have been before.

Yes, apparently that's possible. Today he tried to stab me with some scissors! Yikes! I've gotten pretty good at dodging, running, and holding the door closed! But we are still just in love as ever with this boy. God has a perfect plan for him, and we will be here to facilitate the healing process with him. Life itself is such a healing process.

He got accepted into Wilkenson - WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's a great school, so we are very excited! He can go there until 2nd grade, and then we will pick a more concentrated school for him. So come August, he will be starting Kindergarten! I don't think any of us are ready to try another preschool before that. He barricades us in my room every morning with the door locked, and that's the only way he feels safe. My trust level with humans is almost inexistent at this point, too :(

This weekend Mark is dressing up as a pirate for the Razzle Dazzle Ball, a benefit for The Crisis Nursery. The theme is "Treasure Hunt" or something. I think he's very brave, lol! When it comes to helping kids, he always goes the extra mile:)

Blessed be Your Name

Every blessing You pour out

I'll turn back to praise

When the darkness closes in, Lord

Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Bucketman

The other night on my way home from snagging tons of free loot from Walgreens, I passed the "cloaked man". I just call him that because he's this homeless guy who we see around all the time, and no matter how hot or cold it is, he covers himself head to toe in this big brown blanket. He simply holds up a sign that says "God Bless You". I saw him once during the day, and he was picking out aluminum cans from the trash outside our building. I have always loved him, but have always had the excuse of being too busy or afraid of not approaching him well, so I have never spoken to him. This particular night, I couldn't stand it anymore. I walked down the street with some of my loot, kind of as a peace offering. I hoped that would buy his friendship. It did:)

We sat on the median for hours, just talking. Actually, he did most of the talking. He kept telling me how lonely he is. I could see so much shame in his eyes. It's so funny, because anytime I try to talk to homeless individuals, they always seem to think they owe me some explanation for why they are on the street. I would be lying if I said I didn't ache to know their story, but I don't feel like they owe it to me. The cops finally came and yelled at us to get off the median. When we stood up, I guess they saw that I wasn't homeless like my new friend, Robert (or Bucketman, as he kept telling me to call him, lol) so they started hounding me for why I was talking to him. Because he's a human being. Then they started making fun of me and making horrible comments. Gee, I have no idea why people call them Pigs....

Robert told me all about his love life and about what he goes through daily. He sadly told me that he's jealous of me because I'm blessed by God and he's not. He said that I'm blessed and that it's obvious because I'm a happy wife and mommy. I hate that. I said that I'm lonely, too. That I question my faith, too. That people hate me, too. I never know what to say to people who are homeless. I really just like to listen mostly. My friends, Jess and Zac, live their lives serving those who are homeless. Several nights a week you will find them having their homeless friends over for dinner or driving around giving out dinner. I admire that so much.

Today we passed by a man who was trying to get money to get to San Diego. He said he'd fallen on hard times, lost his job, and was trying to get to CA, where his brother lived and would let him stay. I gave him our granola bar Izaih and I were about to split. We chatted for a few, and Izaih was eager to tell him all about how he was going to go to Kindergarten soon! After we drove off, Izaih had so many questions for why we give our food and water away to people. I love those teachable moments. They teach me, too. Put Others Before Yourself. Listen. Don't Judge. Be Nice. Love Everyone. Share.

In trying to teach these things to my son today, it occurred to me like a brick to the head that Jesus was homeless himself. He traveled around with his friends saying shocking things that didn't make sense to people. He didn't have a "job" or an income. He didn't have a family of His own. People were always being mean and passing judgment. The Pharisees and town officials were probably always kicking Him off the median. I bet Jesus would get along with Bucketman real well.

Weekend in Searcy

We headed to Searcy for the weekend to see my family. Lots of fun, as usual! Rosa-Mae is leaving for the Air Force in a month, and everyone is really sad:( We're very proud of her, though.

The Fam - minus Jonathan

What can I say? We have lots of fun at our house :)

FREE

If you sign up with Hautelook under my referral, they give you and I both a $10 credit. Then, for every person you get to sign up, they do the same. Let me know if you want to do it and I will send you the referral link. They have awesome clothes and other things! All Stila makeup is on sale right now, some under $10, so that means we get free Stila!

30, Come Quickly!

I have been really bad about posting pictures. I promise I will very soon!

Izaih and I are having a blast every day. He cuddles with me and says things like, "Thank you for keeping me safe, Mommy", and "Let's cuddle all day," and then I know that we made the right decision. He's a totally different kid. I can sleep at night now.

Right now we have a lot of hard things going on with Mark's family. It's nothing new, really. We are just emotionally exhausted anyways, so it's been a lot harder to deal with lately. A while back we outed the family secret in an attempt to keep a child safe. People get really nasty when their dirty secrets are exposed. Please pray for that situation. It's bad enough that only God can mend it at this point. I really don't want to sound dramatic, but we have been under a lot of attack. We've lost a lot of friends, support, and even our church over it, so we're pretty devastated. Some of Mark's family members have even been trying to convice Mark to leave me. I would love to say that we are not affected by it, but it is really hard to keep a marriage strong when you're constantly under all kinds of attack by people Satan is using to try to destroy you. That's just the honest truth here. We're learning the hard way that doing the right thing is hard and oftentimes reaps a lot of consequences. Luckily, we have Jesus who knows all about that, so in the really tough moments that is a comfort.

I keep hearing people say that your 20's are for being angry, and your 30's are for coming to peace and acceptance with your world's reality. Or something like that. I think I came out angry. Since I was a tiny little girl I remember always wanting to combat any injustices I saw. I always was a loudmouth, and I root for the underdog with a feirceness. It's made me a lot of enemies, and it makes people really hate me and turn against me when I call them out. Pride is a funny thing. I try to keep mine in check. I hope I do a good job at that. I guess I wouldn't know. That's what I mean about pride being a funny thing.

I am feeling a lot angrier than I ever really have, now that I'm in my 20's. I keep saying that I wish I didn't have the awareness and the insight that I do, because then I would be a WHOLE lot happier and less angry. My mom calls "bull" on me when I say that:) I feel like I'm always standing alone on injustices, and not even standing significantly. . .does that make any sense? I love my passion, but I really would trade it all in for being completely stupid and blind to anything negative or corrupt going on. One day my blog posts will be positive!

30, come quickly!

He's HOME!!!!!!!

Praise the Lord! We got to bring Izaih home on Monday! We had a welcome home party for him and we all had a blast! Izaih is like a totally different kid now that he's all situated on meds. If we could have just gotten him on meds months ago, I am convinced that he would not have had to go through half or the horrible things he's been through. But things are looking very good now. He is so sweet, caring, and compassionate. Now he's able to communicate and talk to us about all sorts of things. It's seriously like we fast-forwarded through a year of development; there's that much of a difference in him now. He can work puzzles and sit still, and he'll even let me read to him. He even goes to bed and sleeps!!!!!!!! I am no longer on the "Putting kids on Ridilin is wrong" side of the argument. Izaih should be the poster child for Ridilin and the miracle it can be. Thank you God for whoever invented meth! :)

To make a long story short, Izaih (with his new ability think clearly and communicate) told us of some awful things one of his teachers at school has been doing, and we decided that enough was enough. I quit my job, we pulled Izaih out of school, and now I'm a stay-at-home Mommy! I have loved every minute of it. The teacher, however, kept blowing up my cell (I think because he wanted to sweet talk me into not telling on him....too late moron), and here's where I have to brag on Mark. Mark, my sweet, gentle, nonconfrontational, pacifist-of-a-hubby went up to the school, pulled BJ out, and told him not to have any more contact with us. And he even managed to say it diplomatically and with a handshake! I'm so very proud of him.

Thank you to everyone who has been praying for us and to those who have been so supportive. We are happier than words can express to have our little man home!

Meds Update

My Sweet Sweet

Izaih has been doing some better since they have put him on meds. The psychiatrist has been wonderful and has really been taking our input. We have him on meds for ADHD, and are considering meds for mood stabilization. Not sure yet. We're starting at the bottom and working up, so they just increased his dosage for the third time. The less meds he has to take the better. He bawls his little eyes out every time we leave him. I don't know if I can take much more of this.

They still won't let us bring him home from the hospital. The social worker has been very diligent about making sure every effort will be taken to keep him 110% safe. The staff is being monitored closely to make sure they're doing their job with him. That is so sad to me. We just want our boy home. We are not taking everything well, obviously. We are happy for the support we have received, but discouraged by those who seem to think this is not such a big deal. I wish I could see only the positive and have a better attitude, but it is very hard with all that's going on. I'm reminded of a topic I blogged about a while back about things only being taken seriously when it's something horrible inflicted on the body.

Anyways, to those of you who have been supportive during this agonizing ordeal, it means more to us that you will ever know.