The Perfect Christmas

I will post pics soon, promise :)

We had the most wonderful time this holiday! We hosted my Dad's family for Christmas Eve this year. I was tuckered out from working til 11 the night before and that day, plus Izaiah and I were sick, but it was fun anyways. Rosa-Mae showed up and surprised us all except for Dad. We were sooo excited!!!! It was so special to have us ALL here around the Christmas tree on Christmas morning. Me, Mark, Izaiah, Mom, Dad, Jonathan, Hannah, David, Grandma, Grandpa, Rosa-Mae and Carlos. It was one of the most perfect 24 hours :)

Izaiah was spoiled ROTTEN with toys...a new scooter, bike, workshop, costumes, games, shoes, clothes, Cardinal jersey, etc. etc. etc. We try so hard not to spoil him with material things, but it is so hard! Especially after all he has been through. I think he would have been just as happy having all his family around him. He loves everyone and is so attached to everyone. I could not be happier :)

My adorable husband got me a GPS and tempurpedic pillows! He is so sweet :) Hannah gave us a free night of babysitting and a gift card to the Drunken Fish. I can't wait! We are so blessed beyond anything I could have ever hoped for. I truly believe that many times it takes us going through something agonizingly painful in order to appreciate the true blessings in your life. In that way, I am thankful for the painful times. I am thankful that God meets me where I am at and does not demand perfection out of me.

Thanks Mom for cooking and cleaning while I was sick! I wish I had taken more pictures. Every year I say that, every year.

Hi ho, Hi ho

I have been feeling so busy and so overwhelmed since I started my new job. It's a lot of late hours, and I've been really resentful of missing a single moment with Izaiah in the evening on account of work. I haven't felt like I've been able to be there for my friends or my family in the way that I want to be, and all my ideas and plans for ministry and loving people get pushed aside for lack of time and sheer exhaustion. The more time that goes by, the more frustrated I become. If I had it my way, I would be staying at home with Izaiah. No more work, is what I keep wishing for.

The other day as I was driving home, I began talking to God about all of this and how frustrated I am. "I don't have any time for the things you've wanted me to do. I'm stuck at work too much. I don't have any time," were things I was saying to Him. Silly me. God butted in and spoke some things to my heart that made me feel really dumb. I'm so "busy" at my job that I'm "not doing His work" and "not getting to love the people who need me most". What do I think I'm doing at my job all day? What am I there for? I have more opportunities than anyone out there to love people and help people, and I have a huge impact on their lives, good or bad. What am I doing, asking God to put people in my life that need me, asking him to make me less busy so I can have time to do that?!

I've compartmentalized my life pretty well, and it never occurred to me that it doesn't have to be that way. I can love and help people all week long and still make money. I can be a good mommy to my baby and still work. I can immerse myself in "work" and not feel the pressure to leave it at the office. I don't have to separate work, God, friends, family, ministry, and fun into different categories. It is fine to overlap them. My job can be my ministry, and it SHOULD be! Ministry is loving the unloveable, denying myself, and seeing things as God sees them. In my daily rush, I have overlooked all the obvious people that God has placed in my life. I can be the best social worker, but I have to step out of the 40-hour workweek rat race mindset that Satan has tried to make me feel trapped into. I understand about boundaries, but I feel set free from the pressure I had to create more of them. It's hard to explain, but I feel freedom in a lot of ways, now that I have finally given my frustrations with this to God and He has set me straight.

ANYWAY

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;

Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;

Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;

Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;

Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;

Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;

Give the world the best you've got anyway.

My Heart

I love my sweet baby more every day! He gets funnier and cuter and sweeter every day! Here are some of his deliciously sweet quotes:

"Mommy, even when I'm a grown-up big boy I'll still be your little baby."

"I love Daddy the most and you the best."

He says he wants to be a daddy when he grows up. His favorite book is I'll Love You Forever and he wants me to sing him the song every night. Some nights he sings it to me in his sweet little falsetto voice and I could just MELT. I want to stop these moments in time and relish them longer.

On Halloween with Izaiah's old preschool teacher, Cassie. She babysits for us now and
we LOVE her!

Brotha from anotha Motha

We had a perfect weekend. Forest Park, dinner at Highland Brewery, movie night with Dana, shopping in the Loop, smoothies, Bread Co., soccer in the backyard, reading books with Izaiah, etc. PERFECT.

A few weeks ago we found out Izaiah has at least 3 additional siblings that we did not know about. That throws a wrench in the adoption plans, but just a small one. The next week we were made aware that Izaiah's biological grandmother died of AIDS; therefore the next day Izaiah's 13-year old uncle (who we also did not know about) came into foster care. Izaiah lived with his grandma when he was taken into care, so I assume he spent a lot of time with his uncle. We can't bring him into our home, though, because we can't do foster care with the state because of my job. That's probably a good thing, as I'm not sure that would have been good for Izaiah. I was really excited to go to the funeral and get to meet Izaiah's family while staying under the radar, but they're all heroine addicts, so there were no funeral arrangements made. Isn't that so sad? Now we have the dilemma of whether or not to contact Izaiah's siblings and uncle to try to maintain relationships with them. That would be no dilemma, except I think their parents would be hard to deal with. Tough stuff.

LOVE. IT!

Where Does the Time Go?

It's almost November?! We have been so busy here at the Fitzgerald home! Izaiah is growing exponentially. He is cuter and funnier than ever! He had to switch Kindergarten teachers again. Let me show you just how many he has gone through:

1. Ms. Totten
2. Ms. V
3. Ms. Glass
4. Ms. Totten (again)
5. Mr. Richardson
6. Ms. Anderson
7. Ms. Anderson (same name, different teacher)

This time it was because there was a kid in the room that has bad behaviors, too, and they would feed off one another. I don't think the teacher could handle them both. Then we had the issue of the school nurse refusing to give Izaiah his medicine because his heart rate was up! Of course it's up! Because he's running around hyper because you haven't given him his medicine! Then some days she just wouldn't give him his medicine. Then she'd call us 6 times a day. Then she'd tell me Mark had been up at the school to get Izaiah when he didn't. Then she'd say Izaiah was sleeping through class everyday (that part was quite humorous). Then she'd call and leave messages on my voicemail about chocolate. I think that nurse is losing it. Either that or she's getting dementia. The principal was so exasperated with her because Izaiah would have to spend an hour in her office every day after cussing out the teachers because he hadn't gotten his meds. Then the principal started sneaking behind the nurse's back to give him meds. Then the nurse got wind and would call us to come pick him up because she refused to give him anything. It was CRAZY for awhile, although humorous now :)

My job is nuts...NUTS! But I'm going to love it once I get into the swing of things. That should be in about a year. One of the biggest, sneakiest things God has used me for in my life happened at work and it's an amazing story. I will try to blog about it soon. Other than that, I took my first kid into foster care on Friday. It was awful. I'm so thankful to be that person, though, that it brings tears to my eyes. I have wanted to be "that social worker" ever since I was nine and read a book with a social worker character that was cold and jaded while working with kids, like it was just a normal, boring day when she brought a kid into care. To get to be the one to love on those kids during such an awful, traumatic experience means so much to me. I wish I could take that hurt and feel it for them.

Our neighbors are awesome. Our home is awesome. Friends are awesome. God is awesome.

The adoption process has officially begun! Hopefully things will be finalized by January. Ran into some pretty big - yet minor - setbacks. I'll blog about that later too. Promise.

Washed By The Water

Sometimes it's hard for me to see past the hurt in my life, especially the hurt that people I once respected and trusted have caused. This puts into perspective for me that God is good, even when others are not. Those people, too, are washed by His blood.

Lady Gaga's super shocking performance!

Am I the only one who thought this was brilliant?

What Does a Mommy Say?

We were in the car quizzing Izaiah on what noises each animal makes. Here's how that conversation went:

Me - "What does a pig say?"

Izaiah - "Oink!"

Me - "What does a cow say?"
Izaiah - "Moooo!"
Me - "Good, now what does a horse say?"
Izaiah - "Naaaay!"
Mark - "And what does a Mommy say?"
Izaiah - "NO!"

A Little a This, A Little a That

Hello all! There's been so much going on I barely get a moment to breathe these days! Izaiah finally got a teacher - Ms. Anderson. However, in a school of amazing racial and ethnic diversity, he is the only one in his class that's not fully African American. I'm not entirely happy about that since we chose the school mainly for the diversity. The other 2 classrooms have mostly Caucasian students, with a slew of African American, Asian, Latino, and Middle Eastern children. I don't really understand how that happens really, but I also don't want to be the mom calling to demand that her child be placed into the "white kid room". Race is so complicated.

I started a new job on Monday. I will be working with child abuse hotline investigations and family preservation services with the state of Missouri. So far everything is going well. I really like my supervisor so that's a good start. I've gotten close with some of the people I've been in training with, so that's good, too.

Mark and I had a date night last night and went to see "My Sister's Keeper". Hands down, the SADDEST movie I have EVER seen!!! I cried through the WHOLE movie. It was one of the best I've seen, though. Totally worth it. Just make sure you're alone in your own living room when you watch it.

We're getting to be friends with our next door neighbors. They are really awesome! Ladd and Jen have a 4-year-old daughter, Mya, and a 3 month old little boy, Adrienne. Izaiah LOVES playing with Mya, and they are SOOOO sweet together :) Ladd is a general contractor so he's really helpful with getting the house fixed up. Jen is an artist/photographer. They are really neat neighbors to have!

When we moved in, the neighbors all said that there hasn't been any crime or theft or anything on our block in at least 4 or 5 years. Well, here we come and jinx that. We left the garage door open one day and our car got broken into. No biggie, except that they stole the garage door opener from my car. That was a little unsettling, but not a huge deal.

We are loving having my sister living with us. It's so fun having her and Carlos around all the time.

And the biggest news lately deserves its own post, so that will be the next one. Keep reading :)

Dana Brooke

Dana and I with our kids from the inner city

I was in 8th grade when I met Dana. She was almost three years younger than me, but you'd never know it. We were fast friends and thick as thieves. We went through so much together over the years. I always told people that Dana was my soulmate. No one ever understood me the way Dana did, and we had the kind of friendship that one only finds once in a lifetime.

Over the years we drifted apart, as she moved to Chicago to pursue a career in acting and I moved to Arkansas and got married. There was the presence of an antagonist in there somewhere coupled with me being at a bad place in my life, and Dana drifted completely out of my life. I was distraught over it for years. I know that makes me sound pathetic, but it was one of the hugest losses I've encountered in my life. Dana got into some awful things back in Chicago, and it felt like there was nothing I could do to save her. I cried night after night after night for God to keep her safe and to bring her back to me, but He never did. As she faded further and further away, I grieved her like she was dead. I fought with God over why He would not rescue her, and why He would not rescue me from the guilt and pain of not having her in my life and of feeling somewhat responsible for the hurt and horror she was going through in her own. I wrote her all the time, but could never bring myself to send the letters. I never knew where she was anyways.

Two weeks ago I randomly saw her on someone's facebook page. I wrote her, and before I could agonize over my wording or freak out about whether or not to send it, I pressed 'send'. I cried the whole day, not knowing if contacting her was going to make her upset or make me vulnerable to being hurt again.

Three days later, Dana is sitting on my couch. A couple days before I wrote her, God spoke to her and told her to come back home. He provided a way out of her current situation, and completely rescued her heart and her mind. It turns out that I had written her the day before she left to come home. We spent the next 2 days together in tears and in prayer of thanksgiving for God delivering her and restoring what has been broken.

She has been through sooo much, and she has a really tough road ahead of her. But what once was lost has now been found and I am once again dumbfounded by God's timing and His goodness, even when we think He has forgotten us. There's so much I could say. There is so much evil that has been overcome, and so much hurt that God has begun to heal. What Satan meant for evil, God turned to beauty.

With my Dana back, I am able to laugh again, and it feels really, really good. Please pray for Dana as she starts her life over, and begins a journey of healing and recovery. God has been sooooooo faithful and will continue to be, no doubt. I will praise Him until the day I die.

First Day of Kindergarten

We survived the first day of Kindergarten! Izaiah woke up so excited about school. We all waited at the bus stop for over 30 minutes until we gave up and I took him to school. We picked Ms. Totten as his teacher, but about 2 weeks ago she got promoted. They moved him to Ms. V.'s room, but then hired Ms. Glass, so he got moved to her room. Two days ago Ms. Glass decided she did not want to be a teacher so she up and left. Soooo, Ms. Totten is taking over until they hire someone. Can you keep up with that? :) Hopefully that will be a smooth transition.

Izaiah did not want me hugging him, kissing him, and esPECially not blowing him kisses. My little boy is growing up...*tear*. There were no tears from me today; I am very proud! Fun Fact: I never went to Kindergarten. My mom attempted homeschooling me, and that didn't work out so well! Izaiah got home and said that Kindergarten is "boring". Oh dear.

Everything

I feel like this so much of the time. Distracted, tempted, anxious, hated, depressed, DEFEATED. Thank God we are loved by the creator of Love Himself. Without Him I would be NOTHING.

New House News

We are finally in our new house! It's been a crazy whirlwind! Mark is loving fixing things and I am loving decorating it! Izaih is not loving his new room so much because it has lots of windows. He's still getting used to everything, but he loves having a backyard to play in! I have learned that I really love pulling weeds! Who knew? It's very therapeutic, you should try it. We love our neighborhood! Everyone is so nice and fun. There seem to always be parties and events and team sports to get involved in. I can't wait for Fall!

Today is Izaiah's last day of Preschool. This preschool has been the HUGEST blessing, despite my initial hesitation. Izaiah is doing soooooooo much better, and has really been able to work through some of his past trauma. God has so many great plans for him and his sweet little tender heart. Izaiah is just so wise beyond his years, and it really shows when you would least expect it. He has learned this amazing way of comforting people when they're sad. He is learning what it means to really love people and is finally embracing letting himself be loved. Everything about him is a miracle. I didn't understand how in the world parents could say they love their child more and more every day, but I totally understand it now.

Pictures coming soon!

This Makes Me Happy!

Today was the most perfect day. The weather stayed in the 60's and 70's and was absolutely perfect. We went garage sale-ing this morning, and who knew, but it was actually really fun! Izaiah did GREAT. We got coffee, took a stroll through Tower Grove Park, and browsed the farmer's market. A chocolate shop just opened right by our new house, so I made a point to make friends with the owner at the park today when I saw their booth. So what if I had ulterior motives? ;) We played at the park, rode bikes, splashed in the fountain, and shopped for furniture. This is my kind of Saturday:)

6 more days until we're homeowners!!!!

Izaiah and a Gun

We went to the mall today to make a quick return. On the way out of Cabella's, we let Izaiah out of the cart to look at the turtles. He ran off and we couldn't catch him. We both chased him all around the store. He grabbed a gun and threw it. He ran out of the store and back into the mall. Finally he lost a shoe, tripped, and was caught. Come to find out, Cabellas does not like it when you throw their $1000 guns. They weren't very cooperative in helping us catch him, nor were they helpful when I begged them to issue a Code Adam. Maybe not such a kid-friendly place. And maybe we will never let Izaiah out of the cart - EVER - again!

My Baby is 5!!!!

My parents and my brother came for Izaih's fifth birthday. Actually, my mom and brother stayed for over a week, which was sooo great. We celebrated by taking a tour of Busch Stadium, spending the afternoon at the pool, and then cake and presents! It was wonderful!

Cake compliments of Mark's wonderful and talented friend, Kim

We aDORE my grandparents!

Hannah, Carlos, and David lounging poolside

Izaih was sitting so nicely in time-out...I just couldn't resist a picture :)

Me, Mom, Izaih, and David at Busch Stadium

Mark's brother, Clayton, and his wifee, Melissa
They were actually here a few weeks earlier but we wish they were here for Izaih's birthday, too!

We can't WAIT for Baby Jillian to get here!!!!

Our House!

We bought a house, folks. It all happened really, really fast! We just happened to find it the day my mom came with us and the Realtor, which was perfect. We loved it and knew it would go fast, so we started writing up the contract real quick before the next scheduled appointment came in. If you know me, that's not my style. However, the seller, who lives in CA and rehabs houses all over the states just for fun, said that the reason he decided to rehab this one is because he knew the next-door neighbor and thought he was incredible and really full of integrity and would watch the house while he was gone. Good neighbors are almost more important than the house itself, so that was a big key point. Plus, it's on a cul-de-sac, which is almost unheard of in the city. The home has been totally gut rehabbed and it designed really cool! It's in Fox Park (if you're from STL, it's nestled between Soulard and Lafayette Square) deep in the city. It - is - STUNNING. 117 years old, so it combines that old-world charm with the modern twist I love. We close on July 24th and plan to start moving in that day. I am freaking out just a bit. I can't believe we're about to be homeowners! That officially makes us grown-ups!:)

On a different note, Mark got promoted at work, so he is excited about that. The Crisis Nursery is such a blessing in our lives. Mark could not ask for a better agency to work with. I have 2 job interviews lined up. One is with the Children's Division and the other is a second interview with a women's domestic violence shelter. Izaih starts Kindergarten in one month. The adoption process has begun. All these changes - AGHHHH!!!!! But I love it:)

Living Room

Family Room

Dining Room

YAY!!!!

My mom and brother are coming for a whole week!!! I'm so excited I can hardly stand it!!!!!:) Hurry up, Saturday!!!!

I Hate Good-Byes

Izaih said, "Albert...will you be my best friend?"
Albert - "You already are, Izaih"
Priceless:)

Best baby EVER!

Albert had never been to the zoo before and we just couldn't have that!

So gorgeous

Albert and Jordyn are going to live with Jordyn's grandmother tomorrow and it is bitter-sweet. Albert is so smart and well-behaved, and he makes me laugh without even trying:) Jordyn is seriously the best baby you could ever imagine. She cuddles and laughs and is happy all the time! We love you, Albert and Jordyn, and we will miss you very much (especially Izaih!)

Whirlwind Post

I am so behind at posting. Life is super crazy these days! A week and a half ago we got 2 new foster babies - Albert is 6 and Jordyn is 13 months. They are precious, just precious! Izaih is in heaven with 2 playmates! He has assumed the big brother role to Jordyn, and has mimicked a lot of Albert's good behaviors (hallelujah!). We are loving having them, but it is very hectic! We were planning to let Izaih stay with another foster family for the weekend so that Mark and I could celebrate our 5 year anniversary, but an hour before we were supposed to drop Izaih off, up came Albert and Jordyn. It was really the perfect way to celebrate anyways since we love kids so much. We're doing what we've always dreamed of!

We also got approved on a loan to buy a house, so we have been out house-hunting with our realtor. We found the perfect house on Cherokee, but the agent representing the seller didn't give us a chance to put in an offer. Some people she was representing also liked the house and she saw an opportunity (I'm assuming) to make a bigger commission. I guess that's just how it goes sometimes. Needless to say, we didn't get the house:( We're sad. But I'm sure a better one will come along that will turn out to be much more perfect than the one on Cherokee. But dangit, I really wanted to live on Cherokee!

Pictures coming soon, as soon as I have more than 10 minutes to myself to try to upload them. How in the world do single moms do it?!

The Shack

I just finished The Shack - it was amazing. If you haven't read it, GO GET IT! I have heard so many things about it being "unscriptural" - a word that just makes me laugh - but for some reason that deterred me for awhile. After reading it, I can definitely say that it is one of the clearest portrayals of God that I have encountered. The book made me feel completely, utterly CHERISHED by God. It's a story of redemption about a man whose little girl was kidnapped, assaulted, and brutally murdered. I know that description doesn't sound like a feel-good story of love, but it totally is. The theology in it is BRILLIANT and also probably a little bit controversial, but it stretched me in my thinking and in my perceptions and assumptions about God. If you've ever struggled with why God has let bad things happen in your life, this is exactly the book you need to read.

Houdini

Izaih is so funny. And way too smart and sneaky for his own good. We have converted his room into a "safe room", meaning that we have taken everything out of it except his mattress and covers. He gets a little fan at night, and of course, all his stuffed animals. We put him in there and have to lock the door when he starts being aggressive and/or unsafe. He usually has to go in there at least a few times each day. He kept breaking his door and the locks we had on it, but we finally have one that he can't break. We also had to jam his window because he kept opening it. Even after that, last week, while in his room, he pulled the entire window out of the frame!!!!!!!! And it is HEAVY!!! He has also started picking up his mattress and moving it around the room. CHILD!!!!

Anyways, so here is how our afternoon went today, after I put him in his room for running away and kicking me in the face:

#1 -He got out by using the plug on his fan to pick the lock. I put him back in his room.

#2 - He then reamerged by picking the lock with a nail he had found and hid in his pocket for whenever he (inevitably) would have to go to his room. I put him back in his room.

#3 - He escaped once more by using the zipper from some jeans that were on the floor to pick the lock. I put him back in his room.

#4 - He came out in his tighty whities after picking the lock with the zipper of the pants he was wearing. Mommy gave up.

A Little Mother's Day Announcement

My cute little domestic Mom


True Love

I am so blessed on Mother's Day to have such a great mom and such a great son! The boys took me to Crepes in the City for lunch and it was YUMMY! Last night I realized that I have officially become one of those moms that talks about their kid nonstop. Friends, strangers, coworkers, at work, at parties, in lines, and everywhere in between. It's like word vomit that just doesn't quit - I can't keep myself from gushing about Izaih!:) By the way, we just learned that his name is IZIAH, not Izaih. WHOOPS! Pronounced differently and everything! How'd THAT happen???

And on that topic, I can't think of a more fitting day to officially announce that we are indeed adopting Izaih! We decided together (all three of us actually) months ago, but have been waiting for things to die down before we made the big announcement. Not sure when the adoption will be finalized. It doesn't really matter to us. He's our son, official or not!

At the humane society checking out potential pets


First day of FRC preschool - Waiting for the bus

Izaih Being Calm

The moments I live for:)

Celebrity Gossip

When it comes to celebrity gossip, I am the worst! I would log onto Perez Hilton several times a day to escape reality, and I would consume myself with the lives of celebrities and all their drama. I was sooooo hateful and judgmental of some of them, especially Britney Spears. I could rant about her with the best of the gossip columnists. Then I heard the song by Bebo Norman that was written for Britney, and I felt very convicted. They're celebrities, but they're also human beings. Human beings with real problems, real struggles, and feelings. The difference is that they are locked in a reality that only cares about how hott they are NOW and spits them out when they become boring (aka healthy and settled) or run out of money. This all happens in the public eye with millions of judgmental jerks (like me) scrutinizing every detail of their journey and pain, criticizing them and discussing how much they suck. It occured to me that, for being so against gossip, I sure was taking part in it a LOT. Instead of taking part in the gossip and scrutiny, I need to set myself apart and love and pray for them, just as I would any person in my life dealing with rehab or their partner's infidelity. I am a week clean of my Perez Hilton vice. Check out Bebo Norman's song - it's playing on my playlist.

If You Read Nothing Else of Mine, READ THIS

My friend, Justin, recently posted this on his blog and I LOVE it, so he said I could repost it. He got it from Jimmy McCarty, who got it from Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G and convicting.

50 Ways to Love and Serve Those Around You

1. Sponsor a child in a poor country through an organization like World Vision or Compassion International.

2. If you’ve got an extra room in your home open it up to a refugee living in America. You can find such a person in need through organizations like World Relief. (Or maybe you can offer it to a family that just lost their house to foreclosure.)

3. Write or call your congressman or senator and ask them to support public policy that shows mercy, compassion and justice to the “least of these.” Tell them you care about peace. Let them know that you will not give them any more votes if they are not promoting the common good.

4. Give up “your” seat at church to a visitor and then invite them to lunch after service.

5. Go to your local homeless shelter, encampment or “tent city” and offer someone there a job mowing your lawn, cleaning your home, washing your car, fixing your fence or whatever else you need to have done. While they’re at it serve them lunch and some cold lemonade, and then pay them more than fairly for a job well done. THEN recommend their services to all of your friends.

6. Take several friends and provide free condoms and clean needles for those who are in prostitution and addicted to drugs.

7. Pray with them when they desire it. Pray for them always.

8. Start a small group where each meeting the group looks at a different country around the world (Zimbabwe, Congo, North Korea, Iraq, Afghanistan, Haiti and Sudan are good places to start), studies the social and political climate of said country, studies a relevant scripture that speaks of mercy and justice (not hard to find), provide a meal with food from that country and commits to some act of justice as a group on behalf of the people there and pray specifically for that nation until the next time you meet.

9. Pray for the soldiers and families of those in Iraq and Afghanistan.

10. Pray for the Iraqi/Afghani soldiers, families and terrorists/combatants dying in Iraq and Afghanistan.

11. Ask your family and friends to donate any money they would have spent on a birthday/holiday gift for you to a specific charity or ministry. I’d recommend Invisible Children or Mercy Ministries

12. Stand in solidarity with tomato workers who are not being paid fair wages and are often modern-day slaves by refusing to eat at Chipotle until they agree to pay tomato pickers in Florida fair wages and insure their safety.

13. Buy a goat, cow, chicken, mosquito net, well, or some other fun gift for a poor individual, family, or community somewhere around the world.

14. Throw a party at a park, or some other place where the local homeless community gathers, that is open and free to all. Play games, eat good food, have good conversations and make new friends.

15. Offer to provide free babysitting for, Christmas and birthday gifts for, or even to adopt the unborn child someone is considering aborting. Don’t condemn her unless you have done all you can to make it easier for that child to be born.

16. Send a birthday card to the co-worker, boss, ex-girlfriend/boyfriend that you get angry just thinking about. Tell them how you appreciate something about them and that you wish them a day of joy.

17. Become a regular volunteer at a local charity/non-profit/ministry that focuses on serving the young and poor. Be a mentor to someone who may not have one.

18. Take Jesus’ advice and at Thanksgiving invite the homeless, the prostitutes, the AIDS victims, the parolees and immigrants to dine with you. If your family decides to eat elsewhere accept it and if not rejoice!

19. If you live in southern California, New Mexico, Arizona or Texas cross the border on a Sunday morning and have communion/the Lord’s Supper/Eucharist at a local congregation. Do so prayerfully considering the global nature of God’s family and kingdom. Come home and serve your “illegal” sisters and brothers in Christ in your community.

20. Take a group to eat at a restaurant and have every one leave a 50% tip for the waiter/waitress who is spending their night serving you dinner instead of taking their children out or studying for their exam in the morning.

21. Offer your home, or if you can your church, as a place of sanctuary for someone who is threatened with deportation and separation from their family, especially their children.

22. Give money to charities that serve disadvantaged children in both Israel and Palestine.

23. Do advocacy work for those facing death row in your state. Do this especially if you find their accused crime particularly heinous.

24. Find a park that you consider too unsafe for your children to play in or a school where graduation rates are too low to send your child there and work to make it so that it is safe enough/good enough for your children to go there since someone’s children will have to.

25. Start a business and only hire those who are homeless or ex-felons to work there.

26. Buy gift cards to local restaurants and give them to those holding signs on the corner or that ask you for money in a parking lot. Then ask if they’d mind you joining them for the meal.

27. Pray for a political leader you dislike (Maybe Barack Obama or Sarah Palin?), a celebrity you dislike (maybe 50 Cent or Britney Spears?) and for someone at your job/school/church that you dislike. Pray for their well-being and God’s favor upon their life.

28. Do a “water only fast” where you stop drinking anything but water (yes that includes coffee, soda and alcohol!) for a set period of time and donate that money to an organization that is providing clean water for those in places without it. (World Vision is a good option again. So are Water Wells for Africa, African Well Fund and The Water Project.)

29. Seek advice from someone who is a different race/ethnicity and/or gender than you. Really listen to what they have to say.

30. Get a group of people together and map your community for possible slave trafficking.

31. Post this phone number (888-3737-888) and this website (http://www.acf.hhs.gov/trafficking/) around your community, in your church, in public bathrooms, etc. to let those who are victims of slavery know where they can get help.

32. If you’re young like me (almost 26, wow!) find an older person at your church and ask them about their life. Listen to their stories. Really listen. You’ll learn a lot and love them in the process.

33. Move into a community where you are the minority, learn the culture of the people in the community and live life with them. Be open to learning from the people you are then surrounded with. Worship how they worship, read the Bible with the lenses they read it through, celebrate births/deaths/baptisms/holidays the way they do. You’ll see Jesus in a whole new way and truly live out the call of the church to be of all nations.

34. Ask friends of a different race than you (this implies you must have a significant number of them!) how they are reacting to and interpreting different things going on in society. (The recent election of Barack Obama, conviction of OJ Simpson or the Olympics would have been good opportunities.) Truly listen and learn from their perspective. Reconciliation will be happening before your eyes.

35. Learn the language of the new ethnic community forming in your city. Then go do your shopping in a grocery store in that area and get your hair cut in a barbershop there as well.

36. Bake cookies and give them to your neighbors just because.

37. If the church you attend has a separate “ethnic” service attend it once a month instead of the “regular” service.

38. Stand near the door and give everyone who enters church on Sunday a big hug.

39. Perform civil disobedience in response to a local injustice and be willing to go to jail as part of your witness.

40. Write a letter to the editor of your local newspaper in response to a local injustice, and if possible have as many people from area churches sign on to it.

41. If possible, rearrange your work schedule to be 4-10hr days and spend that extra day off doing any of the other things on this list.

42. Refuse to be a part of the chain of gossip about someone else; especially about the person you love to gossip about.

43. Be a Big Brother or Big Sister.

44. Use your vacation time to volunteer at a summer camp for kids or doing disaster relief here or abroad.

45. Cook a meal once a week for an elderly person in your church or the single mother/father and her/his children you work with.

46. Volunteer a night to babysit for a couple you know so they can have a date night.

47. Turn an empty lot or other public area into a community vegetable garden. Do this especially if you live in an urban area.

48. Use your professional skills to serve those in need. For example: if you are a lawyer offer pro bono services to the homeless or if you are a teacher mentor an at-risk youth. The options are limitless.

49. Become a foster parent and take in those with no family. Or go a step further and adopt a child with no one else in the world. Or, mentor an emancipated foster youth (16 and up) who may be completely on their own with nowhere to spend holidays, no one to ask for money from when when they need it or have someone older to get advice from.

50. Or you can do what the rich young ruler couldn’t and sell everything you have and give the money to the poor. Then follow Jesus and see what happens…

To Know That You're Alive

Izaih is adjusting to preschool pretty well. The first day we went together for just an hour or so. As soon as we got there, there was a fire drill, which was kind of scary. On his first full day, the bus crashed down the street right before it got here to pick him up. We were hoping really hard that those incidents weren't bad omens!

Good news about my liver. I got some tests back and, to explain it in lamen's terms, my liver was functioning at 77% a few months back. Currently, it is functioning at 88%! I'm very excited! Strict exercise works!

Mark just got an IPhone and he is obSESSED! He's like a child with a new toy! It's cute, though:) Have I mentioned what an amazing husband I have?

Go Faster!

Today the marathon ran by our building, so we opened a window and Izaih yelled "You can do it!!!", "Way to go!!!" and (my personal fave) "Go faster!!!!!!!" to the people as they ran by. Tomorrow he starts his new preschool. We'll see how Mommy does and if she cries or not!

Izaih can drive, y'all!

Izaih was up most of the night last night. Every time I would finally drift off, I would wake up to him into something. Needless to say, even when he was asleep, neither Mark or I got much. Izaih woke up with the crack of dawn as usual, though, so Mark got up with him to watch cartoons. Mark dozed off on the couch and Izaih saw an opportunity (I feel like I've written this before...)

Aparantly Izaih (once again) somehow reached our keys, snuck out of the house, and DROVE the car over the speed bump, through the fence, and into the guardrail. A woman who was taking a walk saw everything and freaked out. She was trying to get Izaih out of the car, so he ran back inside and tried to act innocent. The woman at our door must have thought there was something wrong with me. I was so tired and groggy and in total shock of what she had just told me.

A couple days ago we decided to put Izaih in a therapeutic preschool. We totally didn't want to, but bills are piling up so I have to get a job, and he needs a lot of help. Yesterday he visited the school after the kids went home, and he got to meet several of his teachers. He really liked it, and I know it will be really good for him. Now, thinking about that, it makes total sense why we had the incident today. Fight or flight with him, 24/7, but ESPECIALLY when he has any type of transition or feels like we're abandoning him. Mark and I are feeling like really bad parents. We're so tired. I'm sure this looks really bad to everyone on the outside. I need a nap, please!

Happy Easter Friends!

Easter was great! We went to church Saturday night and Sunday. Sunday's church was a total dud. Should have known - it was called the Dream Center and it was started by a famous televangelist. Thumbs down. But we love them anyway! Just not our niche. Izaih has been screaming "JESUS IS ALIVE! JESUS IS ALIVE!" and it is so sweet. We need a church family soo bad!!!!!!!!!!!!

Izaih on Easter morning looking OH-SO-CUTE!

Mark dressed as a pirate for the CN benefit - this pic doesn't really capture it but he looked dang hott!:) Izaih was not to be outdone; he had to dress up, too!

My baby brother turned 15 and I can't stand it! He is growing up into such an incredible man of God...His talents are endless and his destiny is HUGE.

A BABY!

Almost.

One of our old caseworkers called today to see if we wanted to take a 6-month old. Umm, YEAH!!! We had almost worked everything out when he called back to say that a different family was going to take the baby because they live really close to the biological parents. Sad for us. They said that we will get the next baby that comes into care, though, if all goes well! WOO!!!

Izaih's meds are almost all worked out - cross your fingers! We got a new door knob for his door, and it's been so cold that I guess he doesn't want to open the windows, so he is spending a lot of quality time in his room lately. He calms down a lot quicker now that he realizes he doesn't have an audience and isn't so in control anymore! He starts new meds tomorrow, so hopefully things will die down around here a bit.

Long days lately. Izaih hasn't been doing well. He's been doing an extended forensic interview, so his behaviors have gotten much worse than they ever have been before.

Yes, apparently that's possible. Today he tried to stab me with some scissors! Yikes! I've gotten pretty good at dodging, running, and holding the door closed! But we are still just in love as ever with this boy. God has a perfect plan for him, and we will be here to facilitate the healing process with him. Life itself is such a healing process.

He got accepted into Wilkenson - WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's a great school, so we are very excited! He can go there until 2nd grade, and then we will pick a more concentrated school for him. So come August, he will be starting Kindergarten! I don't think any of us are ready to try another preschool before that. He barricades us in my room every morning with the door locked, and that's the only way he feels safe. My trust level with humans is almost inexistent at this point, too :(

This weekend Mark is dressing up as a pirate for the Razzle Dazzle Ball, a benefit for The Crisis Nursery. The theme is "Treasure Hunt" or something. I think he's very brave, lol! When it comes to helping kids, he always goes the extra mile:)

Blessed be Your Name

Every blessing You pour out

I'll turn back to praise

When the darkness closes in, Lord

Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Bucketman

The other night on my way home from snagging tons of free loot from Walgreens, I passed the "cloaked man". I just call him that because he's this homeless guy who we see around all the time, and no matter how hot or cold it is, he covers himself head to toe in this big brown blanket. He simply holds up a sign that says "God Bless You". I saw him once during the day, and he was picking out aluminum cans from the trash outside our building. I have always loved him, but have always had the excuse of being too busy or afraid of not approaching him well, so I have never spoken to him. This particular night, I couldn't stand it anymore. I walked down the street with some of my loot, kind of as a peace offering. I hoped that would buy his friendship. It did:)

We sat on the median for hours, just talking. Actually, he did most of the talking. He kept telling me how lonely he is. I could see so much shame in his eyes. It's so funny, because anytime I try to talk to homeless individuals, they always seem to think they owe me some explanation for why they are on the street. I would be lying if I said I didn't ache to know their story, but I don't feel like they owe it to me. The cops finally came and yelled at us to get off the median. When we stood up, I guess they saw that I wasn't homeless like my new friend, Robert (or Bucketman, as he kept telling me to call him, lol) so they started hounding me for why I was talking to him. Because he's a human being. Then they started making fun of me and making horrible comments. Gee, I have no idea why people call them Pigs....

Robert told me all about his love life and about what he goes through daily. He sadly told me that he's jealous of me because I'm blessed by God and he's not. He said that I'm blessed and that it's obvious because I'm a happy wife and mommy. I hate that. I said that I'm lonely, too. That I question my faith, too. That people hate me, too. I never know what to say to people who are homeless. I really just like to listen mostly. My friends, Jess and Zac, live their lives serving those who are homeless. Several nights a week you will find them having their homeless friends over for dinner or driving around giving out dinner. I admire that so much.

Today we passed by a man who was trying to get money to get to San Diego. He said he'd fallen on hard times, lost his job, and was trying to get to CA, where his brother lived and would let him stay. I gave him our granola bar Izaih and I were about to split. We chatted for a few, and Izaih was eager to tell him all about how he was going to go to Kindergarten soon! After we drove off, Izaih had so many questions for why we give our food and water away to people. I love those teachable moments. They teach me, too. Put Others Before Yourself. Listen. Don't Judge. Be Nice. Love Everyone. Share.

In trying to teach these things to my son today, it occurred to me like a brick to the head that Jesus was homeless himself. He traveled around with his friends saying shocking things that didn't make sense to people. He didn't have a "job" or an income. He didn't have a family of His own. People were always being mean and passing judgment. The Pharisees and town officials were probably always kicking Him off the median. I bet Jesus would get along with Bucketman real well.

Weekend in Searcy

We headed to Searcy for the weekend to see my family. Lots of fun, as usual! Rosa-Mae is leaving for the Air Force in a month, and everyone is really sad:( We're very proud of her, though.

The Fam - minus Jonathan

What can I say? We have lots of fun at our house :)

FREE

If you sign up with Hautelook under my referral, they give you and I both a $10 credit. Then, for every person you get to sign up, they do the same. Let me know if you want to do it and I will send you the referral link. They have awesome clothes and other things! All Stila makeup is on sale right now, some under $10, so that means we get free Stila!

30, Come Quickly!

I have been really bad about posting pictures. I promise I will very soon!

Izaih and I are having a blast every day. He cuddles with me and says things like, "Thank you for keeping me safe, Mommy", and "Let's cuddle all day," and then I know that we made the right decision. He's a totally different kid. I can sleep at night now.

Right now we have a lot of hard things going on with Mark's family. It's nothing new, really. We are just emotionally exhausted anyways, so it's been a lot harder to deal with lately. A while back we outed the family secret in an attempt to keep a child safe. People get really nasty when their dirty secrets are exposed. Please pray for that situation. It's bad enough that only God can mend it at this point. I really don't want to sound dramatic, but we have been under a lot of attack. We've lost a lot of friends, support, and even our church over it, so we're pretty devastated. Some of Mark's family members have even been trying to convice Mark to leave me. I would love to say that we are not affected by it, but it is really hard to keep a marriage strong when you're constantly under all kinds of attack by people Satan is using to try to destroy you. That's just the honest truth here. We're learning the hard way that doing the right thing is hard and oftentimes reaps a lot of consequences. Luckily, we have Jesus who knows all about that, so in the really tough moments that is a comfort.

I keep hearing people say that your 20's are for being angry, and your 30's are for coming to peace and acceptance with your world's reality. Or something like that. I think I came out angry. Since I was a tiny little girl I remember always wanting to combat any injustices I saw. I always was a loudmouth, and I root for the underdog with a feirceness. It's made me a lot of enemies, and it makes people really hate me and turn against me when I call them out. Pride is a funny thing. I try to keep mine in check. I hope I do a good job at that. I guess I wouldn't know. That's what I mean about pride being a funny thing.

I am feeling a lot angrier than I ever really have, now that I'm in my 20's. I keep saying that I wish I didn't have the awareness and the insight that I do, because then I would be a WHOLE lot happier and less angry. My mom calls "bull" on me when I say that:) I feel like I'm always standing alone on injustices, and not even standing significantly. . .does that make any sense? I love my passion, but I really would trade it all in for being completely stupid and blind to anything negative or corrupt going on. One day my blog posts will be positive!

30, come quickly!

He's HOME!!!!!!!

Praise the Lord! We got to bring Izaih home on Monday! We had a welcome home party for him and we all had a blast! Izaih is like a totally different kid now that he's all situated on meds. If we could have just gotten him on meds months ago, I am convinced that he would not have had to go through half or the horrible things he's been through. But things are looking very good now. He is so sweet, caring, and compassionate. Now he's able to communicate and talk to us about all sorts of things. It's seriously like we fast-forwarded through a year of development; there's that much of a difference in him now. He can work puzzles and sit still, and he'll even let me read to him. He even goes to bed and sleeps!!!!!!!! I am no longer on the "Putting kids on Ridilin is wrong" side of the argument. Izaih should be the poster child for Ridilin and the miracle it can be. Thank you God for whoever invented meth! :)

To make a long story short, Izaih (with his new ability think clearly and communicate) told us of some awful things one of his teachers at school has been doing, and we decided that enough was enough. I quit my job, we pulled Izaih out of school, and now I'm a stay-at-home Mommy! I have loved every minute of it. The teacher, however, kept blowing up my cell (I think because he wanted to sweet talk me into not telling on him....too late moron), and here's where I have to brag on Mark. Mark, my sweet, gentle, nonconfrontational, pacifist-of-a-hubby went up to the school, pulled BJ out, and told him not to have any more contact with us. And he even managed to say it diplomatically and with a handshake! I'm so very proud of him.

Thank you to everyone who has been praying for us and to those who have been so supportive. We are happier than words can express to have our little man home!

Meds Update

My Sweet Sweet

Izaih has been doing some better since they have put him on meds. The psychiatrist has been wonderful and has really been taking our input. We have him on meds for ADHD, and are considering meds for mood stabilization. Not sure yet. We're starting at the bottom and working up, so they just increased his dosage for the third time. The less meds he has to take the better. He bawls his little eyes out every time we leave him. I don't know if I can take much more of this.

They still won't let us bring him home from the hospital. The social worker has been very diligent about making sure every effort will be taken to keep him 110% safe. The staff is being monitored closely to make sure they're doing their job with him. That is so sad to me. We just want our boy home. We are not taking everything well, obviously. We are happy for the support we have received, but discouraged by those who seem to think this is not such a big deal. I wish I could see only the positive and have a better attitude, but it is very hard with all that's going on. I'm reminded of a topic I blogged about a while back about things only being taken seriously when it's something horrible inflicted on the body.

Anyways, to those of you who have been supportive during this agonizing ordeal, it means more to us that you will ever know.

Number Four

Can anyone guess the significance of the blog post title?

Today I got a call from a social worker at the hospital, and she said that Izaih was allegedly sexually abused again this morning by an adolescent patient. He was sleeping in the same room with the patient, and the staff apparently wasn't watching them while they were supposed to be sleeping. All I could do was cry. We have no fight left in us. The hospital hotlined themselves - AGAIN - and the social worker was very supportive. I told her about us pleading repeatedly with the staff about always watching Izaih and keeping him in a private room at night. We have been told over and over that he would be sleeping alone, so how this happened is beyond my comprehension.

I have the sweetest boss who just cried with me and let me go home. We were set on getting Izaih and yanking him out of that place. However, we are not his legal guardians (yet) and the caseworker can't have him released because then insurance wouldn't cover his stay. Plus, then the psychiatrist wouldn't sign off on giving him his meds, and we would be back to square one - actually worse. I feel like a zombie; I have no idea what to do. I feel so much anger, anguish, sadness, helplessness, etc. etc. etc. that my mind has kind of just shut down.

On top of that, one of Izaih's therapists at school has also communicated some concerns and suspicions with the teacher we have feared has been hitting Izaih and the other kids. Today the investigation started. No hotline yet! But why not add one more? I mean, we're already at four, so might as well just get them all out there! I wonder if this is a record with DFS. Am I in the twilight zone? Is this all for real?

PLEASE keep praying for us.